MasterChef... fail...

Okay, today was more like a fail day of MasterChef. It was technically the first day of my glorious holiday and I should like sleep in. But I didn't. Cause I had to be in Clayton by like 10 AM to meet up with Mel, Amanda T. and peoples. So up I went and I got to Clayton around 9:40 AM. I wandered around a bit trying to kill time but turns out Leon was there early too. Then by 10 AM we realised Mel was there early too. And we waited at the train station for Amanda T. Who wasn't coming yet as she slept in, lol. Nor was Vu coming yet either. So there goes that idea. The three of us went off shopping for vegetables and whatever stuff we needed to cook with.

Wasn't exactly what I envisioned as I realised that no one else like looked up recipes to measure out what ingredients they needed to buy. And I only covered myself. So I was like... GAH @.@ Oh well. Shopping was... shopping. A lot of walking everywhere with the three of us. We were like looking for Nata de Coco in the Asian Grocers. And Lychee flavoured konnyaku. Buying veggies in the veggie mart. And went to two coles for cake related goods. We were gonna make noodles, muffins, cupcakes and two actual cakes for tomorrow. By the end of the day the cupcakes went out the window though. Spent a load of money on stuff (which I never got all the money back for...and I spent over $40... *dies inside* .... Yi Xin gave me more money to cover stuff so that I didn't feel like I just lost $30 when I shouldn't be spending money at all...). I don't plan to pay in advance for anything ever again though to be honest. >.>;; Or so I say. I always seem to end up planning things. I need to stop that. The organiser always loses the most money, lol. And I don't have enough money to keep being the one losing stuff....

So we went back to my home. Uhh... and 4 of us (Yi Xin was at home) went away to cook. Amanda T. and Yih came by a bit later on to help out. And so did Tom surprisingly who was at uni. And then Vu and Rachel came!! RACHEL!!! Kyaaa~ lol. Cooking was a meh... process. I was supposed to do noodles but I sort of abandoned the job halfway cause I couldn't take everyone telling me "No, Celine... you're supposed to do this and this first." It isn't really a big deal but I'd like to see whether you would get annoyed if you were trying to cook (voluntarily) for someone else's sake and have more then two people get at you to do things their way. When I've been living alone since I was 16 and have been doing whatever crap my own way as I see fit because that's how I roll. I know I don't do things the 'proper' way. But, no one has EVER taught me cook. I learned to cook out of necessity. Or I can't feed myself. So of course you don't learn things properly by self teaching yourself and trial and error. But who cares, I always get the results anyway. I was also annoyed at myself for getting annoyed though. Not exactly the friendly good hearted person, am I? I need to learn to control my temper. I mean, it's my mates also. Gah, what's wrong with me... @.@ I always get upset for the smallest things. It's why I fail so much...

Afternoon wasn't too eventful. We spent the entire day cooking. Didn't have much lunch. I wanted to cook everyone lunch too but too many people and no food, lol. On the update of foods. I screwed up somewhere cause Leon's muffins failed and I must have given a really crap recipe (I tried out that same recipe a few days later though - the muffins actually raised to some extent) so yeah, I guess adding banana to some recipe wasn't a good idea as it killed any chance of the muffins raising. @.@ Poor Leon getting crap from everyone cause of that. I felt bad, lol. Noodles was pretty good. Yi Xin did most of the work though. Cupcakes didn't happen. And I baked two cakes. Which I finished by the evening. They turned out decent. I attempted to decorate it. Mel and Vu gave the idea of like... using 100's and 1000's to spell out a letter on the cake! It was pretty cute.

Oh yeah, everyone went to my room during one time. Apparently it is small. LOL. I dunno *shrugs* I was in a smaller room last year afterall! I cleaned my room up in the morning so it looked decent. Rachel, Amanda T., Tom and Yih said my bear wasn't cute. Vu and Leon said my BEAR IS CUTE! So it's all good. :D :D :D Poor Gabby (my teddy). He IS the cutest bear in the world!!! Dinner, umm... I went with Mel, Vu and Leon to Clayton to just eat something at the local Chinese place. We left after cake 2 was done. Near to 7 PM. Mel left her phone at my house so she went back after dinner to get it. And that was the day pretty much.

EDF3006 Final Exam

Last day of exams! Last day of exams!! Uhh... I woke up all... LOL MEH WHO CARES NOW. I dunno what to do. I tried my best at last minute study but like.... by 9 AM I was messing on Facebook going LOL at everything. I found it hilarious that me, Amanda and Joanne were texting each other on when to go to Caulfield for lunch together when WE LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE! Anyway, went to uni. Uhh... the three of us was sharing knowledge. Joanne said once on suiciding by hanging and I told her that apparently because guys are more aggressive they are more likely to suicide by hanging or firearms, which are fatal. Thus why it appears that guys may have more suicides (succcessful ones). While girls have a lot of suicide attempts that fail since they try to overdose or cut themselves which might not actually work.

Lunch was at some random chinese place. Uhh... we had to share the table with randoms. Then we went to Gloria Jean's where I just sat there and like... attempted to study in the last hour. Went to the Racecourse, ran into Lee, Linda and Steph. Lee is mean... he finished exams already and was like delivering his sister apparently.

Lee: Oh, hey Celine what course do you do again?
Celine: I'm in 3rd year Education...
Lee: Oh! Do you know my sister? She does the same thing...
Celine: Probably... but I'm antisocial I dunno anyone in my class.
Lee: OH RIGHT! Cause you're only always with the anime club all the times LOLS.
Celine: *starts kicking him*

Me and Joanne waited until exam started. And yay... when it did and it was reading time. I instintively flicked through my entire paper. Cause I need an HD on it. Then I realised.... YEP I'M SCREWED LOLS. Cause I can do some questions, but not a lot. And well... I have to like not get them wrong. That's a bit hard for me. ^^;;

I worked to the last 5 minutes. By the time I left the exam hall people were gone. Well, I didn't see anyone anyway. So I just hobbled away. Uhh... Amanda phoned me like 10 times continously. Apparently the phone would JUST NOT CONNECT. Until I started to reject her calls cause she just kept phoning and phoning and there was never anyone on the other end when I picked up. She was at Coles but then finished shopping for dinner. So we both went onto the bus. On the bus, got a call from Sammi. LOL, I told her I wasn't going to dinner (was on the bus already and Amanda had bought some for me to cook already). It was our last night to eat with Joanne anyway.

At home~ yay, it was nice to finally be done. I forgot what I did... sleep maybe? Dinner was steak (well I had a chicken breast cause you know I don't eat much lamb / beef), potato and bacon soup and nachos! It was epic ~ haha. We had a nice nice dinner. Jia Chee still had exams though. I think I attempted to have an early night cause I need to wake up like... early tomorrow anyway. =.=;;

The last day to study...

Last day to study. And with tomorrow, my last day of semester one. I think it was Leon or someone (can't remember) who sarcastically said what a great first semester this was. I didn't realise the sarcasm and immediately said "No... it wasn't." Just cause I didn't think so, lol. Anyway, I woke up and slept very little as usual. I had a quick lunch and the day was spent studying. I actually studied as much as i could. Rather desperately. As I realised I couldn't do things. It was a bit dumb of me, I can hardly remember now that I'm typing this entry like a week later but I recall struggling on this day cause I was upset over other things too.

For dinner, Joanne and Mei Xian went to Glenny to get Dan Dan noodles and dumplings. These are those SUPER SPICY noodles that LITERALLY BURN your insides. But it was sooooo good! At night... uhh... it was panic time? I sat there crying for a long while...why? Cause, I realised I know nothing. That I wasted my time. That I could have passed this easily if I wasn't all emotional all semester and screwed up on my essay. That I was utterly hopeless and overdependant on a lot of things. That I was regretful. That I wondered how did the semester lead to this point.

Why did time past by so fast? And what was I doing during that time?

But then, every tunnel has a light at the end. Friends are so awesome. Yes. It was awesome to have Rachel, Akmal, Tom, Magdalene, Leon and everyone else sending me messages and wishing me good luck. To tell me that I can do it. To not give up. I think what made me smile was Lawrence's last message. Something along the lines of "Ganbatte, you have a lot of people supporting you. =D" Heh, I fell asleep in good spirits for my exam. I was so glad. Thank you to my dearest friends. Can always count on everyone to cheer me up, eh? I still didn't know anything but you know - with confidence you sort of get to a better position anyway.

Procrastination...

Uhhh... I forgot what happened here. I was supposed to study but the fail just kept on going. I think I went to Clayton for like 1 hour to basically buy... coke, chocolate and lunch. LOL. I bought like maccas for me and Xin. And yeah I did little else for the rest of the day. I was gonna buy pizza for dinner but Jia Chee did chicken I think it was. XD Like pre-marinated ones, lol. Nice dinner considering our lack of time for anything now.

The night was rather wasted if you ask me. But I slowly began to realise that I SERIOUSLY am gonna be in trouble for my exam! Oh joy~

Study Take Ten

The last day I spent in Hardgay library. I spent a good part of the day alone. Attempting to study. At around 1 PM I went to Airport Lounge to pay for Manifest. I also bought lunch @ the new Fish and Chips place that opened up on campus. It was like $6.50 for fish + chips. It was pretty good but I probably won't eat there since I hold the policy that lunch is $5 or lower. Which means that I usually just bring food from home or eat a muffin, lol. Not the best diet in the world but meh, 'sif I'm gonna pay $7 everyday for lunch. Not happening. NO ONE WAS IN THE AIRPORT LOUNGE. It was so loud, crowded and full of... Asians. International students. I was like... WHUUT... THA... FUCCCK. LOL. Then I saw Cao + Kimmy at the table next to Radio Monash just studying. Apparently no one came in today cause Brad, Andrew Kim, Rachel + Lawrence has finished. Jeremy was doing his exam (lols @ his exam clash). And others just didn't come in anymore?

I sat around eating my fish and chips for a bit. Emma and Jason came by looking for Sam. It was so noisy I decided to text Sam since Kimmy said he was in C&S. So I asked him if I could eat there. It's so much more quiet and peaceful there. Sam was working on Manifest paperwork, Jimmy was just talking to Haydn until Raine came back from her exam with lunch for the both of them. It was very cute to watch them, haha. The fish and chips were pretty good. Yum. Me and Rainy read the newspaper together, and was just chatting about things. Raine had a load of chocolate in her bag and she like... took out the wonderful Cadbury Breakaway and we both ate it together. I had to LOL at her lack of attempt to give it to anyone else.

A lot of people came by to C&S during this 2 hours. Will, Emma, some random girl from MCAC that no one knows, Vu and stuffs. I had to LOL @ Sam doing Manifest again. He did it last year too. I was wondering why he didn't make Kai Lun do it or something, lol. Yeah, I paid for my thingy too. It was funny JUST cause I gave in my form and then sat there eating. And Sam was like "Okay! Time to count the money I should have [whatever amount]" I was like... LOL I didn't actually give him any monies. Hahahaha. And he didn't notice himself. Reminded me of camp how I like... didn't pay until the last day of camp (I only paid cause the guys were like... Celine... ARE YOU GONNA PAY??) I can't help it cause I decided to just use EFTPOS all the time this year I never seem to carry any money whatsoever cept for like 5 bucks or something.

Sam threw me out of C&S (not really) with Will so we went back to Airport Lounge. Uhh... it was quiet now, Sam, Kimmy, Will, Vu and Alex Loh were there. I decided to just head back to the library. I sat around for a bit, fell asleep and then... GAHH TOM AND SAM CAME! LOL. Apparently everyone was gone... and Tom finished his exam. And Sam was waiting for his beloved Jeremy to get out of his exam. So I was their victim. LOL. They just sat around blankly talking with me and stuffs until they see Leon send a message on MSN. After that, Tom immediately takes my laptop and begins messaging like... everyone. Okay not everyone but uhh... I think Alan, Leon, Khanat, Drue and even Magdalene!! (who he doesn't know and is my high school mate from another country... =.=''''). LOL. Hmm... after that. Uhh... apparently Jeremy gets out of exam but is too tired to go to the city with Sam as originally planned. So they both go home. I stuck aronud for a while and returned to airport lounge.

Let's see... there were people there! Steve, Jeremy, Andrew Kim, Cao and Jimmy eventually. We were looking at funny pictures from Andrew Kim's laptop - on his poker forum. Some pretty funny shit there. Random scenarioes including...

"Picture of SPEED LIMIT - MEN: 45, WOMEN: 135"
James: LOLOLOLOL!!!! *points at me* It's cause of PEOPLE LIKE YOU!!!!
Me: D: D: D: I CAN DRIVE PERFECTLY WELL!!!!

"Picture of Yahoo! Answers thingy. Question was some person writing something like... "Can I get AIDS from being in a swimming pool full of Black people" We were like OMFG ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!!! XD"

I went home. Umm... dinner was by Joanne and Mei Xian again! Spaghetti with chicken soup! Hehe. It was nice. Evening attempted to study. Didn't do such a great job at it. I can't remember what I even did throughout the night (besides MSN and Facebook notes) but I did only go to sleep like 5:30 AM the next day. =.='''

Study Take Nine

OMFG THE NINTH DAY! GAHHHHH!!! I BETTER PASS THIS FRICKEN UNIT. I mean, I normally never study for anything (I'm an Arts student, why do I have to?) It would be SOOOO easy if I actually passed my essay earlier in the year. I could get a pass so easily in the exam. But nooo, I had to be retarded. I had to be all sad. And I had to nearly fail passing in like every single essay I actually did (or they were just crap - I read my essays that were all fail - they REALLY ARE crap - OMFG I must have been asleep writing them). I swear, I will rage if I have to repeat this unit. It's a core unit and if I fail it I will screw over my course structure. I will rage so badly. Beyond badly. Beyond beyond badly. And even worse was telling Mom that and having her tell it was okay, she knew I would have trouble doing work for a long time just cause she knows me like a key and how I deal with things.

Bah. I guess me doing honours is out of the question since I needed a D average for this semester. GODDAMIT *rages*. Whatever, I wasn't gonna do honours most likely anyway. I just need to work, lol. Study is good fun but I think I need to earn monies like a normal person soon. Getting too old now. Bah.

Today was just another attempt to study that worked to some extent and failed in every other. Got to uni around 10 AM, and spent the day with Leon as I attempted to study and he did absolutely nothing with his time (cept Facebook, lol). I did quite well in writing up two facebook notes, playing Typing Maniac and the usual stuffs. *nods* Hmm. Oh yeah, I left the library for a bit to see Raine before her exam! She wanted to give me mooncake! I was like... KYAAA~ mooncake at this time of the year? I expected things to be sold in July / August. Apparently James surprisingly likes mooncake. O.o Now, Hardgay is sort of far so I was a bit lazy to come down at first to catch Raine before her bus and the convo was like...

Raine: "Do you want me to pass it to James?"
Me: "Uhh... is he gonna eat it if you do that?"
Raine: [to James] "Celine says are you gonna eat it?"
Raine: "He says probably."
Me: "No, don't give it to him."

In the end I just went down to see her. Umm... we were sitting in Menzies Coffee place for a bit and just chatted about random things. Before I went back to the library.

Lunch at Airport Lounge. Uhh... I recall getting highlighter in the face thanks to Tom. Jimmy was like highlighting Leon. =.= I dunno what I do to become a victim. I passed Rachel some anime, uhh... yeah and did nothing else really. There was quite a lot of people at uni. Everyone is so carefree. Haha. Lesley came again! She took my blood pressure. It was like 120 or something (normal apparently, 125+ is in the high regions). Phe and Chris both have high blood pressure. O.o Surprise surprise. It was funny to watch her take Jimmy's XD

Back in library, still did nothing. LOL. We did Facebook notes! *nods* Uhh... left around 6 PM or something like that to head back to Airport Lounge. I hung about a bit then made my way home. It was funny to see everyone sit around all carefree. Jeremy, Kimmy, Brad, and em' all. Dinner... I forgot what was dinner. I think it was Jia Chee and Yi Xin doing dinner. LOL. I feel like crap not making dinner for anyone but I lack food and I spent like the entire day in uni. So meh. I remember Jia Chee made dessert again which was that ginger water thing with sugar and umm... Sesame Dumplings (however you spell or say it in Chinese). That Thomas likes. Hehe. Can't remember what happened in the evening. I doubt I did very much.

Study Take Eight

Yeah, this must be pretty tiring by now. So I spent the entire day in the library by myself. I didn't even bother going to the Airport Lounge for lunch. It wasn't exactly productive. I kept sleeping, and was really bored in general. Nothing of interest actually happened I don't think. I just left like at 6 PM and went to say hi to people. As always they just sat there playing Mah Jong. The usual peeps. I wonder what they will all be doing next week when everyone is done? LOL. Uhh... Loon, Brad, Jeremy, K-mam and Lawrence was like... singing BACKSTREET BOYS. Okay, not Lawrence, but with Law it would have been a 5 group boy band. I think he refused to sing though. Hahaha. I think Loon and Brad were the funniest cause you normally don't have them singing. Linda and Kimmy were also there!

I went home after a while. I wonder if I should stop walking home at night like this. I'm glad that when I walk home in the dark no one is ever around so nothing has happened so far, lol. Dinner uhh... Joanne and Mei Xian cooked! Minced meat, snack beans, rice, potatoes and pork. I think Yi Xin and Jono tried to cook that pork dish once but it was the dish where Xin's salt shaker just broke on top of the dish or something so it was toooo salty when we ate it cause they died out all the salt but it doesn't work that way, lol. After that... in my room. I did very little. As always. I tried to listen to lectures with no avail. Meh. I tried to also stay up the night but it didn't work. I recall Lawrence laughing at my futile attempts on MSN. XD I think I probably got around 3 and a half hours of sleep. Collectively.

Study Take Seven

A general day of study where not much else happened. LOL. I left in the morning around 10 AM and said bye to Sha. See her in 3 weeks! Hehe. And I spent the entire day at uni basically. Was with Sammi who came into study. I distracted her quite a bit since I have such terrible study ethics, and during lunch we decided to go to the airport lounge since no one else was around. My intention was to find the dantai (which had practice) but they were at the stage. What a surprise! So many people. A combination of the usual exam bums, the dantai and Zac + Lesley! I was like wahhhhh, I haven't seen Zac for so long! Cause he disappeared with his influx of assignments. He was bugging me about swimming, lol. I practiced a bit, ate lunch... and yeah just talked to people and stuff. Zac is coming to Jono's Laserwars thing too! So yay~ nice nice nice. XD Target locked on now, hahaha. It was sort of nice to see old faces. Felt a bit odd. Like, I sort of got used to hanging with Kimmy, Rachel, Alan and em' everyday before. But still miss hanging with Lesley, Zac and a few others (don't see them as much but normally going out I'm still normally out with Jimmy, Tom, Sam, K-man and stuffs though so that didn't change as much).

Me and Sammi went back to library at 2 PM since not allowed to stay there for long. Boo boo. Leon was there but he sort of sat a few tables away like the loner he is, lol. Mel and James L. were apparently at Law Library now. Uhh... I tried to study and I got quite a bit done but whenever I messed about online I noticed Sammi would start drawing stars on her paper and I felt so bad I forced myself to study more! I can't help it if I'm lazy, lol.

Sammi left around 5 PM I think. Uhh... Mel and James L. came back from the library and sat with Leon. So I was sort of reading away until near to 7:30 PM where I decided that I was too hungry and I needed dinner. So I went home, lol. Yi Xin and Jia Chee already ate, so I just had leftovers from the other night and some soup and ate chatting to Cas. Oh, JC did come down to chat with me. The night was spent on Typing Maniac! I was on a high. A really bad high. A really really bad high. Cause I got over 800'000 on the game. Then Martin kicked my ass as he got like... 1'600'000+ and I'm like OMGWTF how am I supposed to beat that?? That's insane! He was like 28th in the world. I played so much my mind was racing a bit cause there were so many words. And I spent a good time on MSN rambling crap and talking in ALL CAPS to a bunch of people (well victims included Magdalene, Rachel, Lawrence, Leon, Lesley and a few others).

I would have studied but then Yih did some 145 questions thing on FB which I had to do! Then I had to read everyone elses! Haha. I left my room at like 1 AM and saw Joanne. WAHHHH! I went. I didn't know they were back. LOL. We talked so loudly (my bad, I forgot that people actually SLEEEEP) JC + Cas woke up and came out of their rooms. And we ate chocolate covered coffee beans (it's nice). I went to sleep in the end when I remembered that I have to go to uni. It was sort of nice being on a high though. I was actually pretty happy. Which was nice. Being carefree and happy is nice. Maybe a bit too much energy. I was all grinning the entire time. But whatever. To be able to smile is the greatest gift right now I thinks...

If only time could be forever frozen...

Last dinner with the four girls: Me, Yi Xin, Sha and Jia Chee. 1 and a half years (for me) and 2 and a half years for Sha + Yi Xin. To have lived with Jia Chee. It went by so fast. Yet it went by so slowly also. We all sort of went through the most ridiculous things together, we have the most funniest stories ever - through all the tears, anger, laughter and love - we've been together these past few years. Together. If destiny existed. If fate existed. It would be the biggest blessing in my life to have randomly met Yi Xin, and to have gained these housemates who saved me from everything I hated about this world. Okay, maybe not so dramatically but I was even more distrustful of people then I am now back in 2007. Because life gave me little reason to trust anyone outside my family. Everything could also be a result of me growing older and deciding that not everyone is out to get me, or hate me. Jia Chee isn't leaving yet, but Sha is flying off tomorrow. And by the time she returned, Jia Chee, Joanne and Mei Xian would have all gone back to Malaysia. So it was our final dinner together.

Onto the day first. I got up at odd times. Like at 4 AM, fell asleep again then woke up again. I went to uni by 9:30 AM, Lawrence was sitting there alone. Mel came but she went off to join her study group of management students, which I found out to be Kevin, Leo, Sam H. and other people I do not know. Weird seeing them cause I haven't seen them for a while. The people who come into uni during exam times are the same ones (besides my study group - just Kimmy, Steve, Khanat, Brad, Jeremy, Alan, James, Drue, Whitney, Tom, Sam, Andrew Kim and etc). The morning was spent with me and Lawrence chatting to Rachel on MSN, studying and sleeping. And munching on things. It was Yih's birthday today, so we sat around waiting for her and Leon to come back from their exam. Leon and James L. showed up past 2 PM without Yih. Uhh... Lawrence went off by then. Yih finally came and then Leon left. Me and Mel sat around as we watched Yih and James L. Typing Maniac! It was rather funny. They stopped eventually when everyone realised they had to actually study, lol.

At 4 PM I was so sleepy I decided to head back home. But I past by airport lounge first. Big mistake. Couldn't get away. Everyone ate my muffins which they thought was good. So that was nice, hehe. I wasn't gonna go to maccas with them but I did that in the end too. LOL. So yeah... maccas... uhh... the main topic of interest was the fact that I was the only FOB (ignoring K-man) and they were going on about what FOB things I could do during my times in Melbourne. Like go to Ballarat to pan for gold (=.=''') and to Central Australia and etc. In the end they were like "Okay! We're taking Celine to Ballarat! Who can drive???" .... I didn't seem to have a say in what happens to me during the winter break.... O.O

After maccas, I went home. Uhh.. sat around a bit then went downstairs. Yi Xin, Jia Chee and JONO was cooking! OMG... Jono was frying bacon. I was like... run for it... he is actually cooking! Dinner was pork chops with bacon sauce on top, potato gems, boiled broccoli & cauliflower and scallopes + fish (for me mostly) in butter sauce. It was really good. Hehe. Sha brought home dessert, uhh... creme bulee (or however you spell it) and cappuchino sort of mousse thing. And I had Coles mudcake... which had to be eaten for traditions sake! We took photos and stuff, and just had a good laugh about the usual things we seem to always be talking about (Keyword: *coughs*colorofnipples*). Xin had to go study, and so did me and JC but the two of us decided to sit in Sha's room while she packed. Cas joined us and yeah, we all sat around talking stuff. People we like, people we don't like... and just whatever. I like these sort of talks. Used to have them a lot with Yi Xin, Stanny and a few others...

After hours, it was like 12 AM, it was just me left in Sha's room. I was semi moping and semi just telling her what's been on my mind lately. I think I made her worry more. Gomen. Haha. Should really let her know I am totally fine and capable and taking care of myself. I seem to have my hand full helping others anyway. Now I know what Xin felt last year. O.o One thing you notice after a while is that your friends seem to have way more problems then you, and that I live a blissful life (which is true). So yeah... I went to sleep. I'll see Sha in 3 weeks after my trip from Tassy (as she'll be returning on the 17th of July). She gets to stop by Malaysia for 4 hours to see JC at the airport! Ooh, I hope Sha can get to KL one day just for holiday, and the 6 of us can run around KL together. I can easily get there if I'm Brunei since AirAsia doesn't cost muchies anyway.

If time could just stop, it would be nice. Cause... I really liked how things were. But change seems to occur every semester. And this is one change I don't really like. But meh... gotta deal with it, eh? End of the year will be interesting. If I lose Xin and/or Sha... hahaha... I don't want to watch. Let's not think about that yet. ^^;; I need to enjoy my next semester. I am not gonna waste it like I did this semester.

The other night. The 6 of us said we'll reunite again at the first persons' wedding! Assumption would be Sha's! Hehe. Will it happen in the next 5 years I wonder? :3

Just to see you smile...

Yay, a day of studying! The library opens at 10 AM, so I attempted to get there at 10 AM. But failed. I woke up at 4 AM, worked until past 5 AM... and fell asleep until 9:30... which was pretty fail on my part. Shouldn't be sleeping. But I was too tired. Got to library past 10:30 and pretty must sat there until 5 PM. I spent the time studying (got through more then I did the last week, perhaps I realise that I need to study now if I have any chance of passing this psychology unit), playing Typing Maniac on Facebook (epic game, play it ~) where I tried my best to BEAT CAO who beated me last night! I went on a rampage. A FRICKEN RAMPAGE.I finally managed too. Using my netbook, where the keys are small and the screen itself is too small for the flash game. I had a score of around 372'000+ ~ ehehehe I'm now at 480'000+~ I hope no one else beats me, lol. Trying to get over 500'000 though!

Besides that, I just ate a lot of food (my lunch + rice crackers + kit kat) and uhh... just sat around on MSN. I was a bit... meh, in the morning. But *shrugs* who cares. I was generally fine. 5 PM I went home... Stan was at my house studying with Yi Xin. A bit of a surprise there. Hee stayed for dinner, which was cooked by me, supposedly (in the end - I didn't really). Uhh.. I bought udon noodles. And I wanted to cook em'. I expected them to grow fat with hot water. THEY DIDN'T. I've been jibbed! The packet says udon noodles, with a picture of udon noodles. And they are more expensive then normal noodles. TRICKED! I SAY TRICKED! And plus we cooked too much. 'Udon' noodles with diced pork, minced pork, green beans and mushrooms.

I made muffins. Or I tried to. But they didn't grown and expand like muffins. They just... grew upwards... like chocolate... cylinders. LOL. They taste fine though. But I wonder how do you make muffins, lol. Will bring to uni and hopefully someone will eat. I have too many of em' anyway. The night was spent on MSN and TYPING MANIAC! So much for studying. From tomorrow, I have one week left to my exam. I need to shape up and be serious now if I want to pass.

Time had to move...

It was a very mellow day, I'd have to say. I got up at around 8 AM. After sleeping near to 4 AM. Oh maybe it was closer to 9 AM. *shrugs* I wanted to study but it didn't go well. And I didn't actually do anything in the morning at all but mope. It was one of those moments. So I cried a bit... ah well, who cares... right? What was on my mind? Hmm. Change, I guess. It is starting to hit me that I have to say bye to people. Again. I have to say bye. And they are gonna leave. So it scares me, that's all. I don't want to say bye anymore. I mean, at least there is still the internet. They are leaving but they are not throwing me away. So, that's okay. I am not being left behind. Why the tears? I think this thought was running through my mind: "I wonder if everyone values me as much as I value them?" I dunno, I think my dependency is one of the worst points I have. I was thinking how if I could say it, I would like to say "Don't leave me..." but I can't. Just like how I could not say that either a few months back. I guess it's pretty dumb of me of being afraid of being thrown away again (well, it happened when I was younger too, so meh...).

Okay, that's enough seriousness in one day. Be prepared for me. Heh, I will get more depressed as Jia Chee, Mei Xian and Joanne leave. Cause I cannot accept the fact that I made Jia Chee's last semester here even worse then it could have been, and was not a good friend to Mei Xian or Joanne. Considering the first time I met Joanne, I was crying. And I did stupid stuff like scull straight vodka, lol. Bleh. Bleh. Bleh. And I continued to just cry on a daily basis for the rest of the semester. Oh, wonderful joy. This is known as regret cause I did not pay attention to the present enough.

Lunch was eaten rather... in silence. I went to Clayton after to do groceries by myself. Xin and Jia Chee are doing it tomorrow but I wanted to study in the library tomorrow for the whole day. I missed the damn bus and had to wait 20 minutes in the wind for another one. Meh. Clayton was nice and pleasant. I overdid on the snacks and bought so much chocolate it isn't funny... bought more snacks then actual food. When I came back... I just sat around in my room doing nothing until dinner. And well... dinner was a bit odd. Serious. And a bit sad. Jia Chee made chicken rice, and umm... some Chinese dessert that I can't spell. But it's like sweet ginger water with sesame dumplings in em', which taste like mochi. I love the sesame dumpling so much I wanna buy more just to eat em'. They are much cheaper then buying mochi. Heh. Then we spent like 2 hours in Yi Xin's room chatting about various things. We were going on about our house last year at Panorama Street. That house was hilarious. If I wrote down all the stories about the house, it would be rather ridiculous. *sighs* Heh. So much has happened in the time we've been together. Can't believe I have to say bye to Jia Chee...

Study Take Five

Another day of study! I got to uni at 8:30 AM. Uhh.. it was just Yih there, asleep on the table. The day was spent with me on Facebook and MSN, James and Mel joined after a long while. And that was about it. We had lunch when Leon came at like 3:30 PM, lol. Shin Ramyun of course ~ then I hobbled off home at around... uhh... 5 PM + to cook dinner. It was Shepherd's Pie and chocolate filled cream puffs. It was the last dinner at home with my six housemates, so I wanted to make it a nice dinner. The shepherd's pie was okay... a bit bland. But Joanne seemed to really like it (although she likes shepherd's pie in general, lol). The cream puffs didn't taste so great... too eggy and the cream went flat. Yi Xin liked the puffs though (as she is a fan of egg I think). I did like how the puffs like... went puffy when the ingredients were so simple. Interesting. There was also veggies that Joanne cooked as I didn't have enough time. I think I did pretty well to cook all that considering I came home late and finished by 7:30 PM. Nice. Heh.

And there goes our last dinner. Feels really weird. Really weird. Tomorrow will be our last dinner together, outside. We're heading to Lygon street for something nice. Then that famous gelati place, Dolce el Freddo or something like that. Ehehehe.

Cinnamon Buns...

Today was supposed to be a day of cinnamon buns and cleaning! But I only got the buns part done and no cleaning, lol. Studying was also equally non-existent. I think I need to stick to library studying. Home is impossible for me now. So what... did I do. I think absolutely nothing as usual? I attempted to clean my room but it failed. During lunch, me and Yi Xin cleaned up plates and stuff. Then I went back to hide in my room supposedly to clean it! But I ended up napping. I told Rachel that I 'started' cleaning 4 hours ago, she expected me to like... be done. And I didn't even start. So much fail there...

4 PM I went to bake cinnamon buns. It was pretty easy, just that I hate kneading dough and I hate having to roll it out, then roll it up again into a roll. Then cutting the damn roll when the dough is soft and sticky. GAH! But! The cinnamon buns turned out great! It was sooo awesome straight out of the oven. Like sooo awesome! Me and Joanne were nom nom nom. Sadly, the buns were pretty crap cold + the next days and stuff. Dinner was cooked by Joanne. Chinese style chicken soup and a pork dish. Hehe. Good stuffs. And my highly unproductive day didn't have much else in it I think.

Oh I remember sniffing in the afternoon a bit. I forgot for what reason. Probably from music again. And just the general atmosphere of things. You know, how it is so cold and dark here. Yeah, I know I can make it light again by turning on the lights but I dislike artificial light anyway. I'll go to uni tomorrow just to avoid this I think. Moping in my room in the afternoon isn't a good thing at all. Heh. I still remember the only time Stanny was at my house all year, still remember the first thing he did was come in, give me a nice bear hug and drag me out annoyed that I dared to mope. I wish I got more bear hugs. I miss em'... they're nice.... *shrugs* Meh. I can stand up on my own. Doesn't matter... doesn't matter at all...

A silent day...

I can't remember what I did on this day either. Uhh... absolutely nothing I think. I recall never studying at all. LOL. Oh yeah! I went to uni! For dantai practice. I spent the day hanging with lunch tables people rather then hiding in the library. Cao was asking everyone to come in to do some cheesecake surprise thing for Kimmy. I missed it! Cause I got to uni at like 12 PM, apparently it happened after 11 PM. It was a joke where Cao had a cheesecake box from the cheesecake shop, he stepped on it. Crushing a $5 Coles mudcake inside (sobs). He then gave Kim another box... which was empty. After Kimmy gets frustrated he and Steve bring out two cheesecake boxes with ACTUAL CHEESECAKE inside! Yay!

So we had a nom nom nom time eating cheesecake. But there was too much of it! I've eaten so much cheesecake now, lol. Strawberry and Mango (which turned out to be Passionfruit). We all wanted to try the 'mango' cause it was different. We made Jeremy cut it cause Celine is fail at cutting, and it was hilarious. He cut strawberry then no one wanted it and we all wanted 'mango'. Uhh.. no plates so some of us just used our hands. And looked absolutely disgusting. Me and Phe-chan anyway. I remember we forced Henry to eat a slice and he kept going on about how fattening it was! I mean... HENRY! He's so thin, small and scrawny as it is. I figure he's one of those people who don't put on weight (well, they can still get heart attacks from the fat but still, not get fat). When the dantai assembled we went to our usual room. We're such a big group now... I swear. A world of a difference from last year. And yeah, we just practiced everything. Kimmy had an exam the next day yet she still came. But no dancing for her, lol.

Not much else to say there. Jono was helping me and Yi Xin with Princess Bride to iron out the parts we can't do. And in the evening we all hobbled off. Back at airport lounge. Hmm... not much, I thinks. There was still cheesecake left. Which was LOLs. I think I left with Tom or something and parted ways at the bus loop. Dinner... what was dinner. The only funny is that... I RECALL EATING CHEESECAKE FOR DESSERT! Courtesy of Sha. Mixed Berry Cheesecake. Frozen ones from Sara Lee. I <3 the frozen ones though. I think Jia Chee cooked today. I recall having soup. Can't remember my night either. I think I've been sleeping early and just been sleeping a lot. I can't blog about it now since the days have past, but I do know that the past few days I've been acting a bit weirdly (well... weirdly in that my mood is jumping erratically again. But most of the time I just seem down, sort of. Bah... whatever).

Study Take Four

Yay, more endless days of 'attempting' to study. I use the word attempting because it really is just attempting. I did the usual of getting up and getting to the library by 8:30 AM. And it was basically another day of so called studying with James, Leon and Mel. Yeah, I have like the worse study habits and I think everyone realised that now. Ehehe. I hope my slackness isn't proving to be a distraction, considering Leon, James and em' had an exam tomorrow. Ah well...

Lunch was usual. Leon said my cheesecake was good so yay~ uhh... what else. Near to 4:30 PM, I just texted Rachel about Maccas. They all left without us, but then waited at the busloop. So me and Leon headed over. A few different people today were at Maccas. Like Whitney, Drue (and the usuals). Been a while since I saw Drue. Last time would be... when he... saved me from that... ridiculous night at Prahran. Looks sleepy as ever. Tom joined us at Maccas after he got back from his exam. It was quick. I just had a cheeseburger. Then we went back to the library. I didn't stay for much longer, I went back by 7 PM (took the shuttle bus at the library) as Amanda wanted me back for dinner. Well, I already had a cheeseburger so I wasn't too hungry, and there wasn't much food to eat so it was okay. Some yummy sausages, vegetables and stuffs. Hehe. I forgot what I did after that. Go back to my room I guess.

Shopping and Cooking

A short day where I did nothing but shop and cook! By the time I woke up, all I did was eat lunch... then go shopping for groceries at 1 PM. Everyone else went on Saturday so I went by myself. And I had a good hour and a half buying groceries in Clayton. Bought a lot of food! Enough for three meals. I planned out to make Shepherd's Pie, Chicken Meat Pie, Char Siu Bao, Chocolate Cream Puffs, Oreo Cheesecake and some random dessert (probably just choco muffins or something). So yeah... took a hit to my wallet, lol. Ouch. But, I was eating off everyone else for like 3 weeks so yeah... it is about time.

I got home, took a quick breather and went cooking by 4:30 PM. It took me up until 8 PM to get two chicken pies and the oreo cheesecake done. The pies were a horror because the pie base, after I spent so long rolling it out and stuff fell apart after baking cause it was too crumbly. Yi Xin and Sha were there with me during that time. I was FFFFF-ing so badly they told me to calm down and don't stress about food. But... if I'm gonna spend so long on something it should look good! Meh. The oreo cheesecake looked decent although it was overcooked actually, and we all ate it warm so yeah... it needs to be eaten cold to taste decent. I liked the pies though. I thought they were great even though I'm sick of baking pies now. Cause I hate rolling out the crust. But I like eating the crust... oh and I made stir fried asparagus for the veggies part (the pie had spinach in it but it was just frozen spinach, lol).

Forgot what I did at night. Was probably just being emo again tbh. I dunno. I can't remember (as I am writing this entry days later) but I do know that I have been going to uni lately cause home makes me restless and upsets for no apparent reason whatsoever. Bah, it's stupid.

Box Hill and Ichipan Crepes

I woke up at around 10 AM. Apparently there was a meetup for Crepes at 1 PM @ Box Hill which I thought I would go to! But here I was... in Glenny at 10 AM. I needed to go home first. Mobile had no bat. I had a total of three hours to get home and go to Box Hill. Dilemma #1. The house... I dunno where I am in Glenny and how far it is to the train station. Dilemma #2. I need to leave soon cause it takes almost an hour from my home to Box Hill anyway by bus. So I left the house by 11 PM, told Raine sorry that I wasn't staying for breakfast. And yeah, with Raine's hand drawn map (and without a mobile - funny if I got lost) I found my way to Glenny train station! And lucky lucky the bus was here in like 5 minutes.

Got home, checked Box Hill bus time and I had a total of 10 minutes at home. Gah. So much for a shower. I quickly left and hopped on. Box Hill is too far away, the bus ride felt like forever. I just sat there for the 45 minutes or so it took listening to music (lucky I have my P2 these days or I would die~ I can't be idle so long, lol). Arrived at around 12:50 PM at Box Hill. I messaged Phe to find the location of everyone + the Crepes. Now, I found the crepes but... no people. The problem came in here. Phe and Lesley came at 2:10 PM. I waited the entire time. It was... cold and extremely dull. I did walk around a bit during this time. Just a bit. To be honest, I was getting into a rather bad mood. But... it's just me. I am an impatient person by nature. It isn't the first time I waited an hour or two for my friends but, the waiting in the cold tends to put me off quite a bit. Luckily they came eventually. 3 minutes before Phe and Lesley showed up, Linda walked right past me. I was like O.O cause she was here the entire time! Equally as lost! We should... get each other's numbers next time!! She was munching on crepes already upset that maybe we had left. Apparently Van was there the entire time too. I recall seeing a dude and his friend hanging around a lot. It must have been him! But I didn't know him, lol. So I never said hi. Like... WTF.

I cheered up with some warm food. I had some tuna salad crepe. Bad idea. Remind me to get a SWEET crepe next time. We went to BreadTop after cause I wanted something sweet but... nothing. LOL. They were sold out. I bought an ice cream puffy from Puffy while Les bought 3 custard and 3 mango puffs from Puffy and we all had a good time eating yummy cream puffs. After that, a lot of wandering around and shopping! Sort of. We checked out anime stores + cute shops. Phe bought panda speakers. Which was epic. Linda got 3 little kitty figurines. I didn't get anything but I did pay $5 for a really bad purikura of us 4. It was a crappy cheap machine which was messed up. The pictures snapped so fast we were like WHUUT WTF!! LOLOLOL. Then we couldn't decorate in time cause there wasn't enough time. I wanted to buy dumplings home for dinner cause it was 50 dumplings for $20 but they were sold out.

Near 4 PM, me and Linda went home. On the bus. We had to wait half hour for it to come thoughI had a nice bus ride as I spent the hour rambling to her about various things. Heh. Time passes much faster with someone next to you. I got home for dinner! LOL. What was dinner... *thinks* I can't remember. I think Sha cooked.

The cheesecake was a lie!

Morning was assignment-ing. Then I hate like instant Korean noodles for lunch. LOL. Went to uni to hand it in! And yes! FREEEDOM~ to some extent. I 'will' study for my only exam. I have to. Although everyone thinks I will leave it until the last 3 days. LOLOLOL. So yeah, I did go to uni to hand it in. But like... I ran out of printer credit halfway through. So meh, I had to top up. This took a while so I hobbled over to Kimmy and em' first. She was going on about cheesecake, lol. Me and Rachel were gonna head to Caulfield just so that Rachel could get a feel for the place + I can hand in my assignment! Andrew Kim had an exam so I was like... OMG the last bus is soon get on it. And Kimmy just tagged along for the fun! Heh, so the 4 of us went to Caulfield!

We wanted to deliver Andrew to the venue + wish Jeremy good luck for his Asian Civilisation exam which he might be apparently failing. After we dropped Andrew off we wandered around searching for Jeremy. It's funny, really. When you want to see someone you can't find him, and the last people you really want to run into - you see them. That happened to me. I had to LOL @ that. There's always too much irony in life.

We left and went to the library to print out the remainder of my assignment. I ran into Fay momentarily~ and then... OMG, I remembered why I don't like Caulfield. It took me forever to realise how to pay + print for things. WTF I had to use 2 computers to print. Weird system. =.= Kimmy and Rachel had to wait ages. Then we went to the next building. And then done! I'm done. Hehe. So off we went to Coles! We wanted cheesecake. Coles, I saw Ieja! Heh. She didn't let me hug her cause she was going on about... being afraid of having the swine flu. Okay... *steps a bit to the right*

Cheesecake! Uhh.. Kimmy couldn't choose. And we wanted choco. And I wanted choco mousse. LOLOLOL. In the end, Kimmy bought a lot of maltesers and kit kat and Coles brand strawberry cheesecake. Oh and a 6 pack of ice cream. Which we all shared (2 sticks each). Vanilla and Choco Mint. We went home on the bus eating em'. It was good (although temp. wise it was cold and here we are eating icecream! LOL). Back at uni... saw Leon and the study group at Meeting Point. I am not there today! LOL. So we went to say hi. Back upstairs... Brad bought a lot of cookies. And chocolate. And everyone already had a snack fest. NO ONE WANTED KIMMY'S CHEESECAKE! It was horrifying, lol. Free cheesecake! And no one wants. What is wrong with the world? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD? Me, Rachel and Kimmy had like an extra piece each to try to get it down. Left a few in the end when the three of us left shortly after.

I went on the same bus as Rachel (703) although I was heading to Glenny! Got off at Syndal. I was to meet Raine there as she invited me to her sister's 18th bday party. Remind me to never walk to Glenny from Syndal again. In the cold. And when you don't have as much time as you thought you did. LOL. Raine was at Woolworths. I stopped by the cute goods shop and spent forever trying to find a gift. I wanted to buy a GIANT TOAST (it was $25) but I thought it was a bit too much for someone I met like once for 10 seconds 2 years ago. LOLOL. So I bought a little doll for $10 and put it into a pretty pink gift baggy thingy. Metup with Rainy and then we went to pick up the cake. After Raine bought more groceries. Uhh... we waited outside near the traffic lights for her sister and her friends to come over from Frankston (where they all live). It was a lovely cake Raine bought... from some Bread Kingdom place. I saw Yi Xin at the traffic light, she was out with her cousin. Got snubbed though ... lol, nah I was too far, it was dark and way to noisy outside for her to see me. She didn't expect me to be in Glenny anyway.

Her sister + friends were lost in Glenny. But yeah, they finally made it to us! And little party was at 4 seasons! The... Korean BBQ Karaoke place where we celebrated Tom/Sam's 18th and Jia Chee/Damian's Bday last year. To be honest, I would rather ignore the place if possible. I dunno, having things remind me of things just doens't go well with me right now. But meh, whatever. The Korean BBQ, with lots of food and a hot pot was awesome. I was a bit isolated (well expected but I had Rainy plus her sis is awesome) cause of language barrier but it's okay. Everyone was really nice anyway. Hehe. So yeah, a ton of food and karaoke. There was some major party going on next door in both rooms. It was like.... 60 white dudes with 3 girls at their party. A lot of people walked into our room. And they were drunk. I had to tell so many people this was a private party and we don't appreciate people opening the door and gawking at us Asians.... =.=

I went a bit emo during the party. Kept up pretences well enough when needed (it was someone's 18th afterall, I know when to act) but inside I was feeling like crap. *shrugs* Oh well. It's normal. Nothing to do with what was happening around me, like I said, language barrier was a problem but they were all very nice, and Raine and her sis are awesome. So that isn't it. I dunno, just the venue I guess. I just spaced out a lot. It's just the venue... I dunno, Xin and me had this convo already. She sort of said, just treat the past happy memories as a happy memory. It'll make you feel better. I agreed but... times like this, I just wished nothing ever happened. Meh. Whatever.

When we left. There was milk in the fridge. So I went to find the manager. But amonst the drunken youth (those kids were all like 17 or 18) I couldn't find him. So we left to the townhouse where there was supposed to be a sleepover by a huge taxi. So awesome. And Raine went back to get the milk and stuff while I took the girls to the house. It was such an awesome house. Such an awesome house. Did I say how awesome the house was? Can I move there? It's so nice. With 4 bedrooms, jacuzzi... and stuffs. I explored everything. Such a nice oven. And dishwasher. And so much cultery and cooking + baking equipment! Me and Raine shared a twin bed room. Uhh... not much happened. I was really tired. I just helped Raine cut up fruits for supper (choco + fruit fondue) then me and Raine sat on the couch and watched Yes Man while everyone else was drinking wine and playing 'Werewolf'. LOL. I fell asleep pretty fast in front of the TV. Raine woke me up soon after and went to bed properly. It was freezing in the house (dodgy central heating) but the bed was nice even if the sheets were soooo cold.

In response to comments. I am too lazy. Just that... anonymous people should stop being anonymous. LOL. The fact that someone called me Boony means that there is a Tom or Sam around here though (not James cause James can't type a sentence that is comprehensible).

Watashi wa koko ni iru yo...

A day of me being pretty down. *sighs* Well, I spent the day in my room so it is to be expected. I needed to finish my two assignments today. Above anything. But my procrastination was amazing and I was always so emo (I need to stop using that word - maybe I'll use 'meh' instead~) I spent a good few hours just laying on my bed wondering what the hell I am doing. I could of went to uni or the State Library to join the others. But, I wanted to finish my assignment. Not much much to say here. I meant I spent the entire day on Facebo-... I mean, doing my assignment! LOL. The morning had KL and James L. attempting to get me to the State Library. Which was a no-go. I couldn't tell whether they were angry or not, but I figured it was a joke and it was. ^^;;

Lunch was... lunch. Joanne cooked dinner! It was yummy stuffs, hehe. I didn't want to sleep at night to finish my assignment, but I did! So what happened... we had a study group after dinner. In this study group, Sha was in a wreck - sort of. Jia Chee was stressed as hell but her stressed translated to her being a bit giggly and sarcastic about everything. I was all "Lalalala~" since I was done until... I read my assignment critera. "Eto... criteria.. wh-.... what's this second page?"

............ didn't do the assignment correct at all. Time due = the day after. It's worth 50% of my grade.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

And after that it was me running around in circles on FB and MSN going lolol WTF WHAT DO I DO!!! GAHHHHHHHH!!!!! HOLY SHIT Faaaaaaack!!! *smashes head against wall*

I went away to work throughout the night although I did sleep quite a bit too. Hehe.

Study Fest Take Three

And we continue the third day of the exact same day. LOL. I went to uni. Lawrence was there today so boo boo I was at the back. Rachel, Andrew and Vu came too but sat on the other side. So I was always alone. T.T I watched the movie Clueless at the library, since it's part of my essay. I brought my actual laptop with the DVD drive but it doesn't connect to the net so I had to walk home again to get my netbook which does. Saw Brad along the way.

So yeah, not much else happened I think. Lunch was at 2 PM again! Just that there were more of us. We ate downstairs at Meeting Point again. I still munched on BreadTop. I went upstairs to visit the lunch people finally because I couldn't take this anymore. The same routine. It was weird seeing people like Brad, Jono and co. cause I haven't seen em' for a while. Okay, a while is a few days. But we were always in the Campus Centre. We just didn't go upstairs. Haha. Tom came down eventually and joined us at our study group in Hargraves.

Kim MSN-ed me at one point in time asking what Leon was wearing. Then she said don't tell him anything. Apparently Jimmy was coming to get (rape) him. So I was in this dilemma to tell Leon or not to run for it. Eventually I did (told him to cover himself) but yeah. James, Steve and Khanat came. It was hilarious cause I was like.. "omg... save us..." and they found us after looking for a bit. Since Leon was boxed in by Tom, Yih and Mel, Jimmy and em' came down and sat next to me. Like the three of them. I was like "whuuut..... aren't you out to rape Leon?? D: D:" Jimmy was like texting Leon even though we were right behind him. And taunting him to tell everyone what the messages said. He didn't. LOL. Then they left. Me and Tom soon left after and I went to the airport lounge for a bit.

Apparently everyone was talking about texting Leon or something. How Jimmy used Brad's phone to text Leon but the message went to Khanat (Brad has the wrong numbers I guess under the wrong names). Leon said he got 13 SMS' in the end or something. I went home soon after. Dinner was umm... yummy sticky rice by Sha. I <3 that rice. It's the best ever. I attempted to make quick microwave fudge cause I was a bit down (as usual) and needed a sugar fix quick! But I needed confectioner's sugar (icing sugar) and I only had 200 grams of it which wasn't enough. So I used white sugar instead. Nup. Didn't work. The fudge is all grainy and you can feel the grains of sugar while eating it. It's nice and sweet though. Oh wells. Dinner was simple quiet and quick.

Back upstairs. I fell asleep like at 11 AM. With lights. Woke up at 1 AM. And I sat around chatting to Les, K-man and stuff until 3 AM. Apparently Les had trouble sleeping and was making pastry in the midlde of the night via K-man's [incomplete] recipe. LOL. Fell asleep again at 3 AM as we are capped and after that there was no net. Got up at like 6 AM... and tried to do my assignment. And that's tomorrow's post.

I need to do something about me being down. Seriously. It's annoying me. A lot. The hell like I wanna be sad. What the fuck am I sad for anyway? It's not like I am ever alone. Every meal is eaten with a friend. I live with my friends. I go to uni to study with my friends. I go to uni to bum around with em'. I don't have trouble fitting in cause I was there from day one and I never disappeared or anything. There's lots of people to chat to online. So, I don't see what's the problem. Don't get it at all.

I need time to like reflect like I always do but I'm lacking in it. And I dunno, my reflections don't seem to do anything. I get all happy, then sad, then happy, then sad. It's retarded. Should just stay happy forever. *sighs* Baka Celine. Wish the things just buried in the back of my mind would just disappear forever. Then I won't feel like I'm living with something still choking me.

Study Fest Take Two

And today was basically a repeat of yesterday. Without the maccas. I woke up. Went to uni again to study. Sat there studying the entire time. Sort of. With Facebook of course! I think I spammed everyone FB's again with my notes. HAHAHA!! I got to sit inside the study area with Mel and em' today since Lawrence didn't come. James Lau came and so did Andrew eventually. I wrote most of my essay today, like 1700 words. So I think I did pretty well. There was a time Kim, Jeremy and em' came to visit us. They wanted to study too and were looking for room but Hargraves was full. =.=

Lunch was at 2 PM again. I had BreadTop. Not much else really. We still didn't go up to see the lunch table people and kept to ourselves. I left a bit earlier today. Like at 5 PM. I went home in emo-ness. And went to sleep fairly early still in emo-ness. I can't remember what happened already. Yi Xin cooked some yummy spaghetti for dinner. After that... I fell asleep fairly fast at night. The reason for the emo-ness? I can't say. Since I don't want to make a big deal of it. Plus, I don't want to go back on my words. Yeah, I'll be emo once in a while. Things get me down. I just need to learn to ignore them. Cause it's just a sign of weakness and everyone else has more problems. I'm just being a spoiled kid.

I just need to remember that.

Study Fest

I got up at 7 AM I think! I was gonna get to uni by 8:30 AM to pickup a movie for my class but they misplaced it! So yeah... went to Hargraves by like 8:45 AM, couldn't find Leon and co. so I messaged, turns out I was already standing like right next to them, lol. And yeah, basically spent like 8 hours sitting at the back with Leon, Mel, Lawrence and Yih. I tried to study! I really did. I did quite a bit. One funny thing I did on FB closer to 12 PM was like... copy someone's FB note and do some 'ABC About Me' FB thing. It it hilarious cause I just tagged 25 people, and before I knew it everyone and their moms has done the note. Even randoms I don't know at all. It just spreaded. And spreaded. It's really funny. Sadly, everytime Lawrence or Leon came over to look at my laptop screen, I just happen to have FB or MSN on it. I was studying though! Believe me.

Lunch was at 2 PM. Umm... we went down and sat at the round tables near Meeting Point rather then lunch tables as we wanted no distractions and to leave within an hour. Also, Leon was avoiding James. Apparently Jimmy was out to get him. I mean... study with him. But Jimmy has been warned as the ultimate study buddy no-no, cause he doesn't really do very much. Leon was all paranoid about this cause James sent an SMS saying "I know where you are..." basically. And cause of that, lunch meant looking in every direction in case James would pop out of the ceiling or something. He also SMS-ed me too basically saying "Tell Leon I am coming to study with him." It was rather strange. Jimmy never did show up in the end. Me and Mel had Shin Ramyun for lunch. Haha.

By 4:30 PM, me, Lawrence and Leon went to Maccas Monday. Lunch table was deserted, it was surprising. Turns out the Maccas people had already left. So the three of us made our way. I sprained my ankle during this time. Yeah, Lawrence and Leon witnessed as I fell over on flat ground. *sighs* We caught up to the group. It was pretty large. Kimmy, Jeremy, Sam, Steve and em'. They asked us why we didn't study with them. Probably cause we actually wanna study, lol. Anyway, me, Lawrence and Leon stayed at Maccas for an hour before we went back to Hargraves. I had some mini snack thingy. No 50 cent cone or frozen coke. It was REALLY COLD. I didn't stay too long after that. Me and Lawrence left soon after.

Can't recall what I ate at night or what I did. I think it was these yummy noodles by Jia Chee. The night was mostly spent of me sleeping and stuffs.

Waking up...

I woke up at around 9 AM. I spent the entire day not doing much. I attempted to do my assignment due on Weds. It isn't coming along very well at all. I dunno, it was all still a bit surreal. Today, that is... lunch I just munched on my sandwich with Jia Chee and Sha. In the evening, I felt a bit odd again. Meh. I guess it's just something that happens every evening. Melancholy. Since most of the day was me, alone, in front of a comp. With something looming over me. I suppose I can't expect to be all happy happy joy joy. I don't really care.

I mean the afternoon I did tell someone, that I am fine. I don't care. Whatever. Right now, I should worry about my friends around me. Whom all have MUCH GREATER problems then me. I need to care for them. Cause what I think is so minor, that I am sad for such minor things it's just my own weakness. But I'm also bad at caring for other people. I never know what to say or what to do. And yesterday was a prime example of this. In the end, I would fall back on Yi Xin. I think that may be my focus. If I can't help other people, I'll at least be there for Yi Xin. While she suffers from helping everyone else.

I was thinking. I think I'll move next year. To somewhere else. I dunno where. I dunno whether Sha / Yi Xin will still be in Aus next year, but I hope we will go somewhere else. This house has too many memories already. I think we need a new start somewhere else. If I'm alone next year I'll have to check out with seeing whether I can get Raine as a housemate or something. Whatever it is, I can't stay at this house anymore. I recall mentioning to someone else this morning also. "The reason I stay in uni so much, and never return home until night. Is cause I just feel something is odd with this house. It isn't just me fearing the memories in my room. It's just everything in general. The atmostphere. Only at uni am I the calmest."

Failed attempts...

I spent most of the day on my second assignment. It was nearing 4 PM by the time I finished it and I rushed off to uni. Once I did that, I hobbled to the lunch table but no one was around but Owen. Then I walked out and noticed Rachel waving at me. Her, Jeremy, James, Andrew Kim and Brad were still there. Apparently everyone else went to watch Terminator (Kimmy, Alan, Lee, Steve and co.) So it was a quiet few hours of me copying anime off Rachel, chatting about various things, watching Jeremy and James be totally gay for each other and me and Rachel eating Golden Gaytime, lol. Uhh... Mel, Leon and Yih came over after a bit from their study session and they went to watch the last episode of Bloody Monday. Brad just sat in. I was standing around watching, as I had nothing else to do. Rachel, Andrew and Jeremy were laughing at some forum thingy, and James went off with Raine and they both just flirted on a couch, lol. So I was a bit wandering. But yeah, Mel and Leon told me to sit to watch with em' so I ended up squeezing with them on the couch in the airport lounge. I've now spoiled myself completely on Bloody Monday as I saw a bit of the first episode and the last. I wanted to watch this Jdrama! Gah.

After that, uhh... just more sitting. Me and Yih were reading a chapter of 07-Ghost when Raine called me downstairs. We were gonna head to maccas with Jia Chee. Ly invited us and a bunch of others. I guess it was supposed to be like a reunion of the older members but it sort of failed as no one really came. Was just me, Ly, Raine, Jia Chee, Stan, Alex, Chris, Ally, Damien, Chris and James for a while. I <3-ed eating my Chicken Deluxe burger, heh. Damien tried to play the $1 Trivia Pursuit game from Maccas but the questions were still epic phail. I still remember some of them still. It was hilarious.

"What is the name of the popular computer brand: Apple, Pear or Banana?"
"Is Free Willy a dolphin, whale or lobster?"
"Does the President of the US live in New York, Washington DC or Los Angeles?"
"Is the historical figures name Marco Tolo, Marco Folo or Marco Polo?"
"In Lord of the Rings, is the race of small individuals know as Frobbits, Tidbits or Hobbits?"

Damien was going OMG every three seconds had how bad it was. Clearly Free Willy is a LOBSTER! Then we played the game Ly brought. It was Taboo, a game where we have these cards. And we're split into two teams, like charades, we have to guess what the word is from an explanation. But the explainer cannot use the 'taboo' words to explain the word everyone has to guess. No pointing or acting out either. So example, 'Face', you can't say eye, nose, mouth or something as it will give it away. I had face as a word and I used incomplete sentences often. It was a convo like this...

Me: "I have an ugly..."
Ly: "FACE!"
Everyone: LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!
Me: *dies*

Another word I had was 'Flat'. And the convo went...

Me: "Unfortunately I lack these assets. Tom always makes fun of me and say I am..."
Raine: "FLAT!"
Everyone: "OOOOOOH!!!
Me: *dies*

The truth hurts! The truth hurts! But I made the sentences knowing someone will get it. Another word I had. Shield! So I said...

Me: "So like, during paintball. I hate getting hit. So I use Chris as my..."
Chris: "SHIELD!"

I thought I was pretty good at it. Heh. Chris is really good at guessing. Really fast. It was a load of fun. After like an hour and a half we only got through a quarter of the cards. Cause we got through all the cards but each card has 4 words printed on. A long way to go. But yeah, we decided to go home as it was nearing 12 AM. Chris drove me and Jia Chee home. Hehe. I had a nice and lovely sleep. It was a nice day.

The Japanese Club

I went to uni by 9 AM for my only two class of the entire week, lol. It was a peaceful class. Then I went to hand in my essay. For some reason, everyone was at the stage instead of lunch tables. I went to munch on my bread, chat to Phe, Yih and Emma for a bit then I went to the stage and sat alone working on my assignment. Kim and co. went to maccas but I was not allowed to join them, lol. I went for my last class at 1 PM and came back sitting around for a bit. I almost fell asleep in that last class. Crap. Decided to head to the library to work on my assignment past 2 PM. It isn't often I work in the library because sitting alone in a quiet place does not go well with me.

It took me like 20 minutes to find a power port + table I could use. Gah. Anyway, I sat there for around 2 hours, and decided to finally head back to the stage. First thing I got when I walked to the airport lounge / stage area was Leon going "What the hell, Celine!!!" as I was supposed to do work until past 5 PM or something. Hah. Anyway, me, Sam, Tom and Leon were gonna go to the Japanese Club Dinner night thingy tonight. Uhh... we hung about at airport lounge to meet Eri (one of Leon's Japanese's friends - who I have now happily befriended~) and Juan. Anyway, we all headed there together by PT. Umm... not much happened really. I recall sitting and chatting with Sam, Eri and Alex a lot (whom we met on the bus). What happened on the train. I can't really remember now but there was funny stuff. The only joke I know came up was that I would blame Sam for anything that went wrong from now on, and he would in turn blame Leon. So if I whack Sam as I always do, he instintively hits Leon straight after. This puts guilt as I smack Sam around a lot and Leon blamed me for getting hit as a process. Hahaha.

When we got to the city we expect there to be like Jap Club people at Flinders by 6 PM but there wasn't anyone. So we decided to go shopping! And off we went. Uhh... the lot of us minus Alex who went to Melb Central for Gloria Jean's Coffee. We went straight to some Star... place. Uhh... the store along Lt. Bourke Street that sells Japanese, Korean, Chinese and whatever drama, music and stuffs. And pirated anime. We spent forever staring at the J-Drama. Me, Leon and Juan. Hehe. Tom and Sam both spent over $100 at that moment buying music. We eventually dragged them out since it was almost dinner time and to stop them from grabbing anymore things.

When we got to the venue, Ramen Ya, we realised maybe we should of came earlier. Bleh, no seats. There was still two tables at the front empty, so oh joy. We could sit together, but in isolation from the rest of the club. LOL. So much for socialising. In the end, my night was spent being bullied by Sam, Tom and Leon.

Let's talk about the food first. It was miso soup and gyoza (three per person) as an entree, main meal was a ramen of our choice and dessert was either green tea ice cream or daifuku. I had gyoza ramen while the three guys had char siew ramen. The miso and gyoza were good, although I found out Tom doesn't like nori (san of red bean. So yeah, everyone was like blehh. And ate it in hiliarous ways. I ate my daifuku with a spoon. Like I picked it up with a wooden spoon and just munched on it. The daifuku was the size of my palm (maybe a bit smaller) but bigger then normal mochi. Sam didn't eat it at all, he just spent the entire time squeezing it cause he likes the feeling *coughs* and texture. Which is soft. Tom ate a bit, ripped it open, then started poking a smiley face into the mochi. And it looked like a person with their brains blown up. Leon tried to eat it as he insisted he paid for it, but he had a hard time using his hands, the daifuku was sticky and his hands went all sticky in the end. He couldn't get it off since tissue doens't work. And didn't finish it, lol. It was hilarious. As a result we all had to go and get ice cream at maccas after we ran off from the dinner. I mean, if we had eaten green tea ice cream it might not have turned out this way. The green tea ice cream certainly looked a lot better but I've no idea really. Maybe it tasted funny also. I always knew I wasn't one for asian desserts, but I do like mochi. I am gonna buy some yummy mochi to feed to the guys since the daifuku obviously gives the wrong impression!

What did we talk about at the table. So many things I can't remember. Tom kept commenting on the way I eat and stuffs. "Oh my goodness, don't you know how rude that is. What kind of things do they teach you savages from Bruny?" Yes, they are calling Brunei, Bruny now. As they all humbly call me Boony, it's like Boony from Bruny or something, lol. *dies* There was one part where the guys were gossiping as usual. What else... umm, talking about the physical appearances of people. I didn't like where this convo was going. I sadly don't fall under the cute asian girl category either. I wish I could like... you know, be as cute as the girls in dramas and magazines but that isn't happening so that isn't happening, lol. Face isn't gonna change and I don't want it to or I won't be Celine. As stupid looking as I look as everyone likes to point out to me since I always look confused. Dinner included more Sam and Tom beating, which ended up as a Leon beating but yeah... ehehe.

Uhh... the 4 of us with Juan and Eri ran off early cause... we didn't want to take part in the games. Well, Tom, me and Leon had work for tomorrow. So yeah... after the mess of daifuku we ran for it. After saying bye to Alex and Scott (the only people I know anyway in general). We hobbled to maccas near Flinders and had some yummy ice cream then pretty much went home. Before we left, Leon tried on my hat! He looks good in it. Just like when he tired on my cat jacket. *nods* Yep, yep! Way fashionable! Umm... at Flinders, me, Leon, Eri and Juan missed our train so we had to wait an extra half hour. I had a good time chatting to Eri during this time about a lot of things. She's from Osaka University doing Ancient History. Hehe. On the bus back, we saw Alex. Who left shortly after us, but he took an earlier train to Caulfield and got on the same bus as us (who boarded at Huntingdale). Back at uni, I decided to wait for the shuttle bus with Eri rather then walk home. It was past 11 PM. Yay, I then got home... uhh... was online for a bit then I fell asleep pretty fast actually. I had to wake up early to work on my essay anyway. All in all, awesome day! Tom, Sam and Leon are like some of the best company around. Since too much crap is said when you put them together with the likes of Jeremy and Jimmy. Heh.

End of Semester BBQ

Today would be MCAC's end of sem BBQ. I had no lectures so I just went to the JSC at 11:30 AM! Hmm. What happened. It took them one hour to build the gazebo, cause there were no instructions. But through the combined power of Lesley, Sam H., Jeremy, Amanda T. and co. they managed to do it! Hehe. The BBQ was loads of fun. I was really happy on the day. Like, really happy. I reall had fun. A lot of stuffs happened!. The main points was that we had Drue/James and Jeremy at the BBQ, James + Jeremy are absolutely disgusting half the time but they are hilarious. It DID NOT help that the 'gluten' free sausages made them so mushy that half the sausages were mushed together and looked like penises. Mel, Yih and Amanda T. were cutting up onions. Leon and Sam were at rego table. And Tom was just wandering around everywhere.

Some stuff I loved. Uhh.. they were giving out coke and stuffs for a $1 donation. But it was like $1 or best offer. I read the best offer in small lettering and was like...

Me: "Best... offer.... *looks at Sam* Can I get it for $0.50?"
Sam: ".... fine."
Me: "EPIC! SCORE!"

Yvonne got one for $0.20 and the best was Sam getting one for $0.05 then giving it to Leon which was snatched by Damian then returned to Leon. I did pay $1 a can for Andrew Kim though who swiped one before a sign came up and didn't know it wasn't free (and had no monies...). Photos wise we did so many random poses. My favourite was our attempt of doing our super sentai pose again. Kim had run off from the BBQ, so me and Jeremy were like nooo... so Amanda T. jumped in instead then Sam hobbled in the last second. It was the most epic photo ever! We got one with me, Kim and Jeremy at the end though (I recall I am the pink ranger, Jeremy is yellow and Kim is black~). I guess now I am also hope (kibou~), Jeremy is justice (seigi~) and Kim is courage (yuki~). Haha.

We had a group photo which I thought was fail cause it was too small and missing people. The one I had last year was bigger. So much for getting photos that get larger every year. What else. The gluten free sausages had their gluten free stickers which everyone stuck on KL + each other. Bunch of people stuck it into my hood. I was wearing my neko jacket at the BBQ and big mistake with the tail. Everyone kept taking it away, poking it at my face, attempting to BBQ with it, doing obscene things with it. @.@ And my hood, uhhh... Leo kept putting stuff into my hood. And I didn't notice! Now I have a reputation for being incredibly thick headed. I tried to get Leo back but it was phail on my part. T.T One time I passed Leon my hoodie. Hehe. He tried it on ~ so now he's Leon-nyan cause it's cute. :3 :3

We had some Dragonball fusion photo. That was weird, lol. Of Moo and Vu H. And Xin and Amanda T. We had some session at the end where it was the boys vs girls whisper and gossip session. Not that we were whispering. But we were obviously outnumbered. T.T What else... at the actual BBQ, Jimmy and Jeremy would like throwing and smacking the sausages around. Apparently its cooked when it bounches back? It just looks so wrong though... So yeah, all in all. It was an awesome BBQ. With a ton of stuffs happening. It was the first BBQ since the welcoming BBQ of semester 1 last year that I wasn't the organiser. So I got to run around and mess about with everyone else!

I had to leave at 4 PM just cause I recall some deal I made with Leon that said that I would only stay untli 4 PM cause of my assignments. I didn't want to go but oh wells. I finished off my last assignment at night.

The reminder to smile...

I think I need that reminder. To smile. And be happy. I keep forgetting it. Because I'm stupid. Only stupid people like me forget that I have so much to be happy for. I think my question of the day was. So.. when will this stop? When will this all stop? This crap feeling. Everyone tells me "Don't worry, Celine. It'll go away. You'll feel nothing one day. And you'll look back and laugh at yourself." Well now, it's been 4 months. I wanna look back and I still can't. I still feel like crap. Almost just like since day one. Maybe not as bad. At least, I am not laying on my bed, hunched up... begging for time to stop. And for myself to never wake up to this reality. Okay, I'm not doing that. But... I'm really just floating around right now. And I wish, so badly, that I could just... sit around, laugh, smile and be happy with everyone else as though nothing was wrong. I also feel bad for Jia Chee. I mean, it was her last semester here. And I did nothing to make to enjoyable. Instead, I came back to Australia crying. I cried for months. And probably till' the day she leaves will I still be crying.

I woke up at around 3:30 AM feeling like crap. My alarm was set to 2 AM but I didn't get up unfortunately. Instead of doing work I spent like 2 hours chatting on MCAC forum chat with Leon, Steph and James. I had a good time though. Am happy to have joined them. Don't think they would read this, or understand, but I dunno, I think that nice honest string of convos we have was sort of refreshing in a sense. Either way, it put me in a decently good mood for the day.

I spent the morning working on my EDF3009 reading journal and ENH3991 Assignment. Had lunch at 11:30 AM, went to uni at around 2 PM. For dantai mostly. There was so many people at practice today. Like... over 20 people. The room was full and crowded. I didn't realise we had THAT many members. We just practiced, saw the danjou video (I refuse to do that dance, lol), watched last year's dance + karaoke videos. At the end was like a dance showdown. Sort of. Had Jason + Kim's Mirotic, me and Kimmy did Eat You Up (I phail, lol), and other stuffs.

I went to lunch tables before heading to library then home. Uhh... Mel, Leon and Lawrence was watching "Bloody Monday". It looked interesting for a Jdrama. Remind me to bug Leon to get it off him. I needs to stuffs to watch during exam period while everyone is studying their head off (I will be studying too considering the only exam I have is on the unit that I have practically CONFIRMED to be failing if I don't get a Distinction or higher... If I fail this core unit I will smack myself continously cause I dunno what to say to mum "Oh sorry, I failed cause I was too busy being emo over losing someone." No no no. Gah.)

I went to the library. Then hobbled home. I dunno why but walking in the dark in the evening just made me a bit sad. I realise it's my fear acting up. I fear loneliness. So just being alone for an hour or two affects me. I know I haven't gotten my indepedance back yet. I need to work on this. By next semester, I MUST go back next semester being the Celine of last year. Regardless of anything, to be enjoying life. Because life is meant to be enjoyed. And to be happy. Because like Jia Chee said, good things WILL happen to me when I am happy. Dinner was just instant noodles. I ate pretty fast and just stuck to my room for the night.

"Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it."

If it was just tears...

An odd day of ups and downs as usual. So I overslept again. Boo me. Uhh.. went to uni just for dantai. We practiced quite a bit. It was rather funny when I went to find Jono and em'. So outside the door they were at were these two white dudes. Looking through the peep hole and making fun of the "people dancing in animal hats". So what I did was take out my mobile, phone and Jono and say outloud "Hey Jono! There are two white guys outside your room making fun of ya~". I knew where they were, I just phoned for the hell of it. Heh. Then I went to the door and they went to the side to hide a bit. I doubt they were embarassed but I was trying to embarrass them. Shame it failed.

After dantai... well we were joined by quite a lot of people. Jeremy has been sititng with us lately while studying. Yeah, went to lunch table. We shortly left for Maccas Monday. A lot of people came a bit later. At Maccas... uhh, not much happened. I shouted Lawrence and Jeremy to 0.50 cent soft serve cones. And had one myself. We just sat around, listening to music and bumming around. Kai Lun said that if anyone bought him a 2 pounder, he would eat the burger. So Yoshi bought one! It was over $20, and the two pounder had like... 8 patties. There was enough oil in it to I dunno, deep fry all the food in my kitchen. Haha. Apparently one double quarter pounder (aka half pounder) has like already 115% of sodium for the day, and over 100% of saturated fat. So he ate like... enough saturated fat for the next 4 days in that one go. Goodness me.

I hobbled home by myself. Sam and em' were on the 703 bus when I crossed the road. He SMS-ed me saying I was jay walking. I wasn't. Just that the light near the bus loop like... has the green man yet the traffic light is green also for the bus. No idea why it works like that but it's true. But then he was like... pictures or it didn't happen. Grr. I spent the evening chilling in the kitchen with the housemates. Sha made quiche and Jia Chee cooked Hokkien noodles. It was really good. Really good. Hehe.

The night. I dunno, I guess it didn't... go well. I went back to my room to do work but I didn't do work in the end. I don't wanna fail another unit but it seems to be going that way at this rate. Yeah, so I ended up crying in the night. Then I went to sleep by 11 PM just cause I lost reason to stay awake if I wasn't gonna do work. And sitting in my room on my own hurt too much. Why did I cry? I've no idea. The pent up stress. The pent up feelings of missing someone. Of hating yourself. Of asking yourself... why... the hell is everything like this. Why is it like this? I've no idea. If you want to ask me what was the trigger it was cause my mp3s was on rotation and it fell upon Olivia's "Wish". I love this song a lot but it was also the ringtone I specifically gave to someone months back. I just remembered sitting by my bed every night back in Jan waiting to hear that ringtone. It sounds stupid but it was one of the things I looked forward to during the night. So my heart sort of stops when I hear the opening of it...

"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew."