A dream to never awaken from...

I just woke up from a dream. I am supposed to get up at 5 AM as I have to leave home by 7 AM.

The dream was my everyday life if everything changed right now. If everything came back to me. If I could spend time with the person I loved the most. It shocked me. Because... I realised. Like within 10 seconds when I woke up...

I've never felt so happy... never felt that happy.... for so long.

I turned over and I asked myself... "Why did I just wake up? Why didn't I... stay in that dream forever?" But I knew my body jolted awake when I realised that I had to wake up to get ready for my placements.

I was just really shocked, that's all. I've been doing well for the past week. People asked me if I was alright now. It's cause I accepted it. I accepted that I'll never be "over it." in a sense. But I can only embrace the fact that I'm not gonna move on. That yeah, I was genuinely in love. And because it was genuine I am not gonna 'forget', I am not gonna 'get over it'. I can only move on day by day embracing this little pain at the back of my head telling me that I'm beyond the state where I can go back to anything now. I am the only one left remembering anything. But that's okay. Even if I'm the only one, I'll hold onto everything and walk through life holding on.

It's rather funny if I think about it right now. That a dream where I could just hold hands and sit with the person I loved the most was a dream where my heart have never felt so happy. I wonder if my mind wanted to remind me something. To be honest, I wish it didn't. Because now I'm a bit shaken. But, it's okay. I can still continue with my day. I only needed to remind myself. That the person whom I loved is happier right now then he will ever be. And that I can sit in the corner and watch him be happy. And that's all that's needed.

I do want to sit in the corner right now and ask "God, why did you just show me that dream?" It's odd for me to ask this but I can't see why else I had such a dream. And I do not think I needed a reminder of what it really feels if this weight on my heart was ever taken off.

Gah, need to go prepare now. I just needed to let myself know that... one day. I will feel like how I felt in that dream again. One day. Even if it takes a year, or two... one day, it'll happen. And I will be happy.