What was I doing?

I saw an interesting thing today. I was in denial for these past few months. I thought it was all okay. I thought it was all for the best. I've now come to realise... hahaha, it's so funny it's just sad. I was the only one who cared, eh?

What was I crying for all these long long long months?

Can't believe I've just been a fool all these times. It is a lonely battle to fight when you are the only one who will feel the mocking laughs and the abuse. While everyone else lives on blissfully unaware. So someone said "Now you can hate him." I replied with nothing. Why? Because I knew the answer to my own question. Because I just can't. And that makes it even sadder. To be hated... but to be unable to hate back.

If something could hurt more then anything, it would be this...

It cuts into me everytime. I can't even just stay away forever. If I did that... I would have to leave MCAC. And I can't do that. Cause MCAC is one of the only things I have left... if that is taken from me.

If that is taken from me... I don't know whether I will want wake up to see the light of day any longer...

I know life is meant to be lived optimistically. I know that life should be meant to be lived hoping and looking forward to the future. So someone tell me, I don't see anything at all... future? What future?