Lost...

Feeling sick. Feeling tricked. Feeling used. Feeling betrayed. Used and thrown away once convenient. Life works in these funny little ways. Just when I started to trust someone's word, it's only then I realise that the words were a lie. Heh. Nothing ever really changes, does it? I like how I always lose to everyone else. Am I always going to be last on everyone's priority list? Is this how my life is going to play out...? I like how I feel that someone is important, but that feeling... is never going to be returned to me. It's never going to happen. Whatever anyone says... it's all a lie. I'm only wanted when there is no one else around. Once everyone else is around... I'm an eyesore, like a cockroach that should just back off and get away. This isn't the first time, it's not gonna be the last either, is it? I don't want to be someone's substitute anymore... I don't want to be the thing someone wants only when there isn't anything else around better. I don't want to be someone so easily 'replaced'.

Why did I ever start to believe in those lies? If it was gonna be like this...

Spent the entire day staring at a wall. Crying on and off. I don't even feel alive anymore right now. I think I've slept for like 15 hours now. I'm trying to sleep more. I don't want to wake up...