Changes for the better? Or for the worse?

My 100th blog post. Since I started this in August 2007. Today was a bit of an odd day for me. I'm starting to get tired of this... I'm not too sure how to call it. Restriction? Living a lie? Maybe I'm just tired of being nice and polite to people, pretending to be happy, trying to reassure everyone I am perfectly fine. I'm avoiding things right now, avoiding of thinking of things, sort of avoiding reality I guess you could say. I'm even afraid of going back to Aus because I know there are gonna be so many changes and... I don't want to see them. Makes me feel regret, why didn't I enjoy 2008 more? It was so much fun and I was so happy. Life was good. Life IS good. So what the hell is wrong with meh? 2009 won't be the same. I don't know whether it will be better or worse but... it'll never be the same. The thought of this just scares me. I'm only at ISB to distract my mind completely. But at night I tend to think a lot and while I have anticipation to see everyone back in Aus again this anticipation comes with fear. But this is just the current mood. Really, I just need to smile and laugh that I'll get to see Xin, Jia Chee, Sha, Stanny, Tsan, Rachel, Akmal, Jimmy, Tom, Sam, Khanat, Kriz, Drue and our other clumsy group of 60 weirdos, lol. And... a certain someone else who I refuse to mention by name anymore T.T (but I'm sure you all can guess ^^;;). Excuse me while I go cry cause I can't see Raine though. Crap. Uni without Raine... to be honest I haven't had a semester in uni without Raine there. I wonder if I'll feel like something is missing (and shiiiit I just realised I like to run to her sometimes when I'm all sad... ahhh.. I can't run to her house anymore @.@ ZOMG!!). It's okay... Tsan said she'll be preparing me her arms (lol for hugs) and chocolate upon return! Yay~ gonna bugger over to Tsan's house more often this year. Hopefully. And visit Rachel at the Halls (she still owes me a curry dinner!!). And visit Stanny for the continuation of our Stargate adventure. And visit Akmal too ~ yep yep. I will I will. @.@

Yeah... it's okay. If things are different and start out as a 2009 that I didn't plan for I need to make it good. I said I wouldn't do things to regret anymore. >.< *nods nods*

First thing for me to panic about is MCAC, though. Friggin hell I sometimes forget I'm the damn leader of that group. Gotta make sure O-week is fine, the scavenger hunt, first BBQ, marathon, screenings, the 3 day camp, look up on how to run the next elections, and oversea what everyone else is doing (audit, library, 3 competitions) T.T *scratches her head* During orientation I hope we can get 200 members this year! Last year we managed to get around 180 (end of the year we had around 230+ members). Sooo... would be nice if it could be 200 by O-week and like 250+ by the end of the year. Or more. I mean we'll have more returning members this year + new batch of first years, it'll be awesome. Although I'm like... oh gawd... more people. More couples. More drama. More problems. T.T Good luck to the next committee... *slowly shuffles away once her term in office is complete*.

I notice that I'm really quiet and down now these days I don't even see myself suitable to be the so called "President of MCAC" now in whatever situation that requires me to talk to everyone like before. Am not acting myself. But dunno how to go back to acting like meself. What is myself anyway I wonder. XD I haven't even raised my voice for months. I wonder if I can still do that so called... talking out loud prez style thingy T.T. But I'll need to shape up, I'm doing 3rd year Education this year also. Gahh... I'll probably actually have to teach classes now during placement. Was very happy when James was like... leave everything to us even if I'm too depressed to take care of the club. Thanks Jimmy XD XD *huggles her committee* The one thing I'll miss being Prez of MCAC is my committee. I'll miss my weird ass shopping trips with Drue, Sam, James and Xin buying things using money that isn't ours (most of the time), our retarded meetings where we gossip and bitch and generally waste time, our msn cons and spamming of the committee forums at the board. Hehehe. If there is one thing I'm proud of is how we work like a team now. That we're happy. Not like how we started out *shudders*. Okay that's enough contemplation for now, haha.

The day! I woke up... I was... meh. Like that lo. Heh. Got to school... uhh... looked at the list of things Debbie needed to get down. Attempted to twiddle the list down but she kept adding more stuff. LOL. Uhh... just did the usual. Dismantled some project, delivered stuff, chased around students who Debbie needed to see, random documents and paperwork, was bored one time so I went to help Mai... uhh... yeah. Liz was with me for a good part of the day (since she didn't have much to do - despite how busy BGIC should be, especially right now). Me and Liz had lunch together at the usual place! At OUR bench! OUR BENCH! I didn't know which bench was 'ours' but Liz was like.. the one next to that tree right behind the goal post. XD We were surprised how the kids these days don't sit at the benches anymore for lunch. They are all in the hall. I don't get it, what's the attraction point of the halls? It's so noisy, cramped... and lacking in actual seating...

And ISB I just noticed is a lot smaller now. Not as many students... no wonder. Classes are so small... we used to have over 25 in a class. Now it's like... going under 20. O.O No wonder the fees are going up so much... Tomorrow is Mufti Day... red day. Uhh.. Mufti day is where students can wear something next to their uniform by paying a small fee (which is normally a fundraiser for something). Tomorrow is the big CNY assembly. Hmm... red... red. What to wear I wonder. *thinks*

Let's see... I left around 2:15 right when the BGIC uhh.. trial runs were about to start (in the library - when I walked out the kids from JIS were shuffling in). Got home.. and just glued myself to msn for over an hour. My aunt and uncle came over at around 5 PM - haven't seen them for a while since they were away for most of CNY - and I've kept a low profile while in Brunei since that's just how my family runs generally (I don't actually mind being social though - long as I'm comfortable but ya know...). Got an ang pau at least, lol.

Then just... MSN, MSN and even more MSN. Until sleeptime. LOL.