No Electricity...

*looks out the window* And it is still raining. According to the weatherman, 23rd - 29th will be pouring unless the clouds shift or blow away. It'll be a very wet CNY if that is the case. I don't really care since I don't go out much for CNY anyway (nothing is open, and no - I don't have friends or relatives to visit unlike everyone else). I'll probably sleep the days away and just continue reading books (well, I only have a day off for the first day anyway, from second day onwards I'm back at ISB - I guess they don't have holidays anymore for CNY like they used to). Flooding does not affect me much but I would rather not have all the power stations go down again. Cause the Gadong station went down most of Gadong, Kiarong and Kiulap have no electricity and it is gonna last for days...

Let's see. I got up at 6 AM as usual, when I went to ISB at 7 AM I saw Mr. C standing outside with a huge whiteboard that says "School Closed. No electricity or water." Me and my parents were like, "Yay! Day off for you!!!" LOL I would be so happy if I was actually a student. I wonder if there will be school tomorrow since the power will not be fixed by then either. Can't decide whether I should be bothered to get up or not, but it would be bad if there is school and I dun show up or inform Mrs. C... rather sadly I dun have her mobile number either (I should have really got it).

Yay, got home... and finished off reading 'Confessions of a Shopaholic'. Hehe, a rather nice ending. I like the climax of every story in these chick lits, when the selfish main character realises what a selfish bitch she has been and takes the actions needed to change her life for the better. Okay, main character still is a money spending materialist, but at least at the end she was shown to be capable of feeling for others. Normally I prefer reading books that don't fall under the chick lit category, like more dramatic ones since they tend to pass off a more powerful message and I like reading these things (it's like how I like reading poetry too). Since chick-lits are obviously not written to give you things to think about. But yeah... these messages... probably because I sometimes need these messages to be drilled into my head (honestly, if I wrote a novel basing the main charater off me she would be the biggest bitch to walk this planet). It's like how I remember watching '1 Litre of Tears', it got me through MUFY (during exams where I had that... rather... nasty "I did not talk for one week" thing). Since uhh... I remember the main message the actual girl in real life was trying to pass off was something along the lines of "Just being alive is already a beautiful thing". Which is so very true. Reminds me of what Samuel told me I had to do also. Look at what is around you already, not beyond that, or before that.

Afternoon... took a nap then started on the next book! During my freetime in ISB, I'm still reading on with Tony Parsons' "My Favourite Wife" which I'll be done with soon. It has taken me ages since I don't have that much freetime in ISB these days (in the beginning it was fine but... Mrs. C is increasingly giving me more things to do? I wonder if it's because at first it was the start of the term... now things are starting to get off the ground and BGIC is getting closer, clubs are starting... yeah....). Didn't know what to start with next so... just went with "New Moon". The second book of Twilight. Heh. I did not enjoy the first as much but might be because it was like reading the same thing again since the movie is based off it (however much scenes they took out). At least "New Moon" will be new material!

Today's the 22nd of Jan... exactly one month until my flight to Aus. I have mixed feelings now I guess. I love my family and I love my home. Heck, I love Brunei. Okay, the please isn't exactly exciting but... it's a familiar place to me I guess. Somewhere that feels like home. I don't think I'm someone suited to live in large cities anyway. I could never stand the traffic, the pollution, the noise, the mass amount of people everywhere. It'll make me go all @.@ after a while (although I guess I can easily adapt even if you do suddenly shove me to live in Hong Kong or something... or I think anyway). I am so very happy I'm living in Melbourne's surburbs rather then like... live on Arrow on Swanston like Manj, Din and the others walking to RMIT everyday 3 minutes away. It's a different kind of life but I dunno whether I really want all that hustle and bustle in the city.

Mind you, the only attachment I really still have to this country is with my parents. Sometimes this resolve of mine wavers (as with last night, as I was huddled under my blanket in fear, pain and tears once again - covering my ears - and if you know me you know why I am like this rather often) but I remind myself that I still gotta hold on to them. In the end, I can still see that I always have a home with mum and dad. It doesn't mean that I should not aspire to find more happiness for myself, since I dunno how many people told me already that I shouldn't hold back either. If I do I'll probably grow old, bitter in regret just like... well... certain people I know. But I'll still stick to my resolve that I will find happiness for myself, but not at the expense of everyone else. I don't want to be happy stepping on others and taking away their right. The world is like a mesh of different wants and desires by everyone around you. Because not everyone's wants are the same - that's where conflict and clashes occur. If I truly want to be happy, sure... I could step on everyone and head towards where I want to go. But, this isn't something I think I could ever do. So I don't think it's wrong to compromise, and to make some sacrifices to what you want for someone else. As long as in the end I can still see some form of what I wanted at the end of the path.

Now onto more emo-ness in this blog! You know you want it, hah. Okay, I don't know how it happened but I think reading Twilight has this effect on me. So I started on "New Moon" and after a while I would stop and... think about... stuff. That happened last year. In October and November. Stuff that I would be willing to have amnesia for, and to erase from my mind forever. I immediately stopped reading, sort of stared blankly at the wall for like an hour then realised what I was doing. And I felt sick to the very core. A mix of anger, sadness and just pure loathing... for, I've no idea what. Probably myself. For being like this. So I tried to stop thinking altoghter and went off to sit in front of the TV with my parents. That only lasted 5 minutes because they were watching Larry King live. I went back and grabbed another book in my room, and started another new book. I had one more novel unread by Sophie Kinsella (her newest one - "Remember Me?"). I think my current nerves can't handle dark romance like Twilight. Cause I was reading this in the beginning of January also and if you know me you know how I was during that time. Then my mood was more pleasant after I finished that and started on Shopaholic. Maybe Kinsella's lighthearted writing and her goofy female leads is just more healthier for me for now.

When I run out of chick-lits to read I think I may have to go out to buy more, lol. Even though I didn't want to buy anymore new books for now. But the remaining books I have are like... dramatic and too dark for my current state of mind. Yeah, need more romantic stories about hopelessly stupid women who find the perfect one in the end when they decide to change a bit. Heh. It's flawed writing that lacks essential meaning at times, but I can easily see why chick-lits appeal to housewives and women between their 20's and 30's. Everyone finds different ways to get their mind off things, to find themselves hope and inspiration. A lot of people make fun of chick-lits, and its reputation for being trashy writing. So it isn't Dan Brown, or Shakespeare. But it makes me laugh (it's pretty amazing if a pile of words in a book can make me laugh and giggle like a little girl), and honestly... I gotta give the authors credit for that.

I was looking at my luggage today. I slowly filled it up with stuff, and I went to arrange it today. I have a lot more to put in (cause new clothes, random items and MCAC stuff which I have not bought yet) needs to be shoved in. But it's already full as it is. I am so dead, haha. I'll be having an extra box with me this time. I hope I don't overweight...excessivly. I dunno what I will do if that happens (I don't even know what I should take out to lighten the load). Worry about that closer to the date. One more month... I'm counting on day by day. Like I'm hanging on day by day. I think I know what I want right now though. I WANT to go back, but I think I'm trying to surpress this want and tell myself I don't want to go back because I feel bad for my parents. They want to see me more then anything, so I should want to see them more then anything to. It just feels wrong for me to want to see anyone else. Especially if they don't return the same feeling. And thus the chaos seems to continue in my heart.