Encounters at Hua Ho...

*hugs Akmal, Les, Xin and Mag* XD <3 Thanks guys for your concern... I like how all 4 of you used different methods to pass me a message (by SMS, blog comment, msn and email, lol). Don't get me wrong though... it wasn't cause no one was online. There were people there. It's just that... I don't think I should talk to anyone anymore. Because of what a certain someone said. Holding things in might be the right way to go. Being too honest doesn't seem to get me anywhere. Being too honest seems to just get me hated. But thanks for being there. I started sniffing after reading Magdalene's email... ^^

Anyway... had a very bad night last night. Woke up several hundred times, my heartbeat is always going so fast I seem to be hallucinating heart pains now =.= I try to ignore all that but I did notice my chest was hurting here and there.... Got up today, uhh... I've been a zombie today. Like... expressionless. Emotionless. Just sort of... huh, what.. oh... yeah... whatever to everything. I really didn't have the strength to be all hyper and happy as usual. Yeah, I pretend a lot but it only goes a certain distance before I deem it too long (or I'll try more tomorrow but I'm too tired today to care). Went to ISB at 7 AM but it was closed again. =.= So I went back home and took a nap since I try to keep myself unconscious (okay asleep) as long as possible since I don't really want to be awake anymore, after that... continued reading "New Moon" then went out for lunch with my parents. After that we were just hobbling around Hua Ho looking for stuff but couldn't find it so we had to go to two different Hua Ho's. At Hua Ho Manggis (the one nearer to my house) I brought more novels (Like that chick in shopaholic, I'm a spend thrift... I tend to buy things when I'm like..down)... then went down to join my parents in the veggie section. Mum was like.. "Oh, look it's Laura's father! Go say hi" (note: I was still a zombie during this time) so I was like.. "Huh.... What? Really? Uhh.....wha...". Apparently mum said he was staring at me as I was wandering about the veggie section, lol. Umm... cause I was really out of it I'm a bit upset that I think I was too rude to her family (I should of greeted everyone more properly - stupid stupid me... but I didn't even know who was who - plus I am not used to talking anymore... good god I dunno what's gonna happen when I return to Aus @.@ I'll be expected to talk again during o-week!! >.< ... I feel like just hiding in a corner). Anyway we went to say hi and stuff, and he told me Laura was around somewhere too (oh for any ISB-ians reading this.. yeah Laura as in Laura Chong, lol). He then went off somewhere I guess to tell Laura I was there since she came up after that.

We just had the usual small talk, she asked me to go to lunch or something and to go to her open house too. So yeah... I was like, just facebook whatever details. I mean it's not like you can go out right now anyway there is still no electricity anywhere. And apparenlty tonight there is gonna be a 'great storm'... although the storms now are no longer jokes because the landslides have already killed a few people and... we really don't need anymore. My relatives place are flooding also (I'm fine just because we live too far away from the commericial district and I live on a hill).

Anyway, after that we didn't really talk much (well me and Laura I guess are sort of old friends... since I knew her since I was 11 or something but we weren't really that close, I would even feel weird going to lunch cause ya know... I am not really with that group of people she's always with...) so she went off back to her family. Then mum went to talk to even more people. Turns out it was Laura's aunt and uncle. And my mum knew them too since they live in Canada and was like best friends with my uncle or something (and we lived in Canada too for a while). I was like.... why does everyone know each other... lol, what the I dunno anyone O.O I call this the Brunei chinese family effect. Since all these bandar Chinese families were close like 20 years ago so they all know each other, lol. Well... I only know Laura cause she went to ISB and is the only one also who went to Monash (and stayed in the Halls - oh besides Rohit but that guy is never coming back to Brunei anyway nor is he Bruneian to begin with). She's going back to Aus pretty early... I guess she's bored of Brunei too (and she has awesome plans in Aus anyway, beach house *___*... so nicceeee).

Anyway, back at home. Bah Kuh Teh dinner. Today was the last day of eating lunch outside since pretty much every place we like to go to is closed until the 30th of Jan. I am trying to eat more cause like... I wanna lose more weight (still consider myself fat no matter what anyone tells me T.T but maybe I do that thing they say that every girl shoves 10 pounds onto herself moreso then how anyone else sees her *shrugs* Can't help it) but yeah, my partial attempt at starvation isn't the healthy way to go sooo I would rather not have things go that way. Although I sort of like it when I see my relatives and stuff... they are all like O.O ur no longer fat!! lol so I can actually stand next to my brother with a bit more pride. I still hate my chubby face but I think mum or dad said to keep the chubby kiddy look at least you still look young compared to some other ppl who grow up too fast (I like how ppl still think I'm a high school kid when I'm 20 already... =D).

Anyway, CNY will be very boring as usual. No idea what to do... guess I'll just read all my novels (I have around 6 to get through before I leave). Not really looking forward to seeing the relatives on the 25th, like I'll see much of them anyway. Since most of them go overseas to some fancy place >.> I wonder what it's like to have a CNY when the whole family has a nice large dinner at someone's house and just have lots of fun chatting away with their cousins and karaoke and stuff... well that's how I hear it from some people and on TV and stuff. My family sort of stopped that dinner thing when I was young and right now a few people get together for dinner but every year the house is very... eery and quiet... and no one really talks much. I dunno I think it's cause everyone is too miserable or not liking each other, so I really hate the atmostphere. I should be like my bro, indifferent to all of that he rather just stay home and play CS with his girlfriend, lol (although that might be the thing with my bro - he has his gf no one else matters nor will he ever care) haha I wish I could have someone as important as that... or be as important as that... but the chance of that happening is next to nothing.

I have not really gone outside for fun since the 10th of Jan. I wonder if I should see whether Manj has time to go out again (but her performance is on the 30th... I really should not phone her and bother her anymore >.< I have bothered her enough already with my bday...). Liz is in Singapore... mmm... dad brought up the topic of me not coming home next year again. I dunno... it's not like I'll be any better off in Aus. I'll be just as alone there too, I mean the house is empty anyway and people would have moved out by next year... gah, I am slowly chipping away my hope I really should not do that. T.T

The future is frightening though.