First day of uni. Not that I had any uni. LOL. Uhh... what did I do... let's see. I woke up, then I decided to head to uni at 10 AM past to just join peeps at the lunch table. Since I figured I'm the club prez and all... I guess I should socialise when I can. Let's see... I met a whole load of people that I can hardly remember. Leon, Kai Lun, Jeremy, Tom7, Lawrence, etc. etc. Okay, mostly talked to Leon, Kai Lun (from now on will be abbreviated as KL) and Jeremy. So I can say that I know them now at least. Everyone else I do think that a bit more 'mingling' is required to form some sort of random friendship, lol.
Yeah, the day was basically me sitting there talking with them, and Phe-chan, Seb, Sam, Tom, and the usuals. Phe forced me to eat, so I ate dodgy pasta from the meeting point! Yay! Jeremy and me also bought cookies from Coffee HQ (but it was too expensive... I think I'll just stick with like... The Den's muffins, lol). It was a generally quiet and peaceful day, I noticed I still spaced out a lot. I'm wondering how long it's gonna take me until I snap, lol. As of right now. I mean... I know I'm emo and stuff. But I think it's been going a bit too long now. Hmm. According to Khanat, if life doesn't feel right. Means something is wrong. If something is wrong. You gotta fix it. Oh fucking hell I dun care anymore. I'm gonna fix it if it's the last thing I do. T.T You'll see.... gahhh!!!!! Celine isn't used to being emo, and sad, and weak, and timid. I used to question whether the hyper and happy Celine was real or fake. It is mostly real. And goddamit I'm gonna prove it. Gahhhh, if I stay how I am right now forever I'm gonna go crazzzzy. Seriously. I don't care anymore. I have nothing to lose now anyway. Lost everything already anything. So.... T.T
Evening was spacing out. At night I went over to Deakin Hall. Khanat invited me to their movie night. Except we didn't watch any movie. Yep, Singstar with Khanat, myself, Tali, Oliver, Owen, Damien, Ashleigh (male one) and Catie (Oliver's sister). Dinner was chicken + garlic bread. It was a lot of fun, Khanat and Oliver are weiiiiiird and everyone was laughing a lot. I spaced out a lot - not cause it wasn't fun or anyone was bad to me - just that things are still on my mind right now and it seriously sealed the deal for me.
I CANNOT live with how I am right now. Good things are happening and I am not happy from the good things. It's just retarded. I can keep trying, and keep trying. I am trying so hard. Then I give up halfway with trying to laugh. Trying to make funny comments. Trying to smile. I don't care anymore. I'm gonna do something about this even if it ends up with me getting beat up. I might do more damage, but seriously, I barely have anything left to lose anyway. I'm gonna make things right again even if I do have to crazy retarded things you get in those drama shows. >.<
So basically, I am gonna spend the next few days deciding how I want to finally stand up and go somewhere. Cause right now is not where I want to be.
Got home past 10 PM. Khanat walked me back. Uhh... spent night at comp. Oh wow, lot's of fun. Not really. Hahaha. Yeah, I'm in this really sarcastic mood right now. *shrugs* It beats being emo at least. XD
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@Mag: Ahahahah!! Well we already had our 'talk'. Yeah, the drinking straight vodka was a retarded thing for me to do. Seriously stupid. I am not doing that again, lol. And you're not an alcoholic, lololol. Don't worry~
Monday 2 March 2009
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7 comments:
'Had I not ventured over the hill and the coast I would not know what lies beyond the edge of my world,' - someone.
You're changing Celine - welcome it. Pain and suffering is a part of that too. Doesn't mean you have to accept it though. Laugh through the tears and cry with happiness - you're not alone. Whatever you decide to do your friends will be right there when you fall, laughing at you even as we help you up.
You're not alone, and I believe you will never be. I believe in the hyper, happy and genki Celine we all used to know. I know she was real. She's you.
Believe me when I said we brave through the storm so that we'll see the rainbow at its end. =)
The above messages are beautiful. =D I second them. (or maybe I just can't say something like that lol)
*hug* Remember you have supportive friends behind you all the time, celiney. So go do what you have to do. *fling pom poms around*
Lol, you can Amanda ! XD
(p.s. the first one's David... I can't log in for some reason T-T)
well, you figured the hard way not to drink straight vodka. i've only ever witnessed one person do that before and he's a bit strange. next time you do vodka make sure there's a mixer ;) lol
anyway, you have not lost everything. you're not alone. and real celine is just hidden beneath the layers of sad celine. so go sort it out cos i know you can :) don't stop with trying cos struggles are there to be battled and i know real celine is waiting to come out again and is stronger. gosh i'm making you sound like a bloody schizo! haha xxx
*forms cheer squad with Amanda, also nudging the Dantai into action with a Celine banner* ^_^
:) me too~!! *cheers*
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