Many emotions in the ocean...

A bit of a mixed day. Started out bad as usual. I continued my waking up at 3:30 AM-ism, but I think I may stop that soon. My sleeping time is getting increasingly earlier. It's now 9 PM and I'm really tired. I fell asleep at like 10 PM yesterday, lol. I should be sleeping at 12 AM or later, not 10 PM. I think I should go back to my 12 - 5 sleeping hours. Uhh... yeah, the morning. I felt really ill. Really lost. And yeah, a repeat of my post from yesterday which I won't bother rambling about again. I need to iron out these emotions. There is no point in having them. Because having them won't do me any good. Nor will they mean anything. They are just wasted emotions... wasted on the wrong person, on the wrong situation, the wrong time and wasting life. I still think I'm being incredibly stupid. But damn, KNOWING something and feeling it is two different things. I know I should say "Who the fuck cares anymore!" and that makes perfect sense to my mind. But mind and body is two different things, eh? I can say "I don't fucking care..." and mean it but still be able to feel my legs shaking when I'm just standing at the road waiting for the lights to let me pass. A greater conviction calls for greater reinforcement.

I finished writing my presentation notes nearer to 8 PM, then had lunch at 11 hobbling off to uni by 12 PM! I was in the computer labs trying to print my lecture notes but like... the printer was broken or something in the campus centre. And I couldn't be bothered going to another building. So meh, forget it. I went to the student services centre to update my OSHC healthcare as it expires tomorrow. Then lunch table. Which was empty. Everyone... went to Springvale apparently. To eat food. And left me behind. Apparently they left 10 minutes before I got there. Boo!

There wasn't much to do so I just went to my lecture on disability and giftedness. It wasn't as informative as I imagined. I like the guest lecturer's activity though. He read out instructions with words not intelligble by us, stating that language disability may deter from a students learning in this manner. We had to draw according to his 'instructions' but only 1 person in the room got their picture to be vaguely what it should be. Since he wasn't really reading much in English, just gibberish. After this, went to lunch table. Still no one there. Bah. Just talked to Tom a bit and James Lau. Uhh... then went to dantai practice with Phe-chan, Eloise, Jono and crew. It was just a normal session. Oh, something funny was that umm... I messaged Rachel when she was coming back from Springvale. Then like, the predictive text on my mobile changed Springvale to Sprinkles, I sent it unknowingly. I thought Rachel was just a weirdo when she replied with "Lol sprinkles!!!". Everyone was laughing, haha.

I was all nervous during dantai practice about my presentation. Vince was trying to get me to read it out but we all know that isn't happening, lol. I left near to 4 PM and I hoped to go first. In the end I went last. But! It went well. I just read everything out. And by the time it was my turn everyone in class was sort of tired to talk so I didn't generate as much discussion. But some people thought I brought up interesting points that can really be looked into with more research! So I was happy. Because I have no been praised in the academic sense for very long. I'm normally the stupid lil' Celine ya know. Who is failing one unit. Barely getting 50% for the other three. Just not something I'm used to cause like... I used to get HD's... and I always did fairly well in high school (I mean people used to treat me like the 'smart' person, I wasn't really... was only ever good with computers and Business Studies). But yeah... if I try hard... I can do it right? I can do it... right? I can... do it. I just need to try. I need to try to get a D or higher on my 2 60% and 2 50% papers due in the next 5 weeks. That's like over 10000 words to write. I'll start on it this week! I need to do this... for all the time I've made up. I sort of refuse to fail so badly considering how much it costs me to stay here.

And I don't think I can do summer because there are no units offered useful to me. So yeah... staying here for an extra half a year isn't happening. I can't afford it. Musn't fail... musn't fail...

Went back to lunch table after class. No one is around suprisingly. I saw William at the library and he was asking me where everyone was. I dunno, lol. Apparently everyone dispersed after a fire alarm. At home... I baked more cookies. Cause I needed cookies to eat. I bought mousse today which I shouldn't of. But I wanted a chocolate dessert. Dinner was Bah Kuh Teh! Yi Xin cooked Bah Kuh Teh! Hehehe. It was good. And veggies. Yum yum yum. After dinner I did not do much. The net was just crap. MSN-ed a bit. MSN-ed on my mobile a bit. Then I just fell asleep after that near to 10:30 PM I thinks. It was a day of mixed emotions. But generally a positive day. I need to just try and think positive. Hehe. Everything will work out in the end! So long as I try.

"Blessed is he who has learned to admire but not envy, to follow but not imitate, to praise but not flatter, and to lead but not manipulate."