If only time ceased to exist...

I don't know why. Everyone always said time would heal everything. That everything would have been forgotten with time. It's true, everyone else has forgotten. Everything else is a thing of the past. Over and done with. So... why is it that I'm still standing here, feeling as though everything was just yesterday? Am hating myself for being so stupid at times. I wonder when my time would start moving again?

I got up at 3:30 AM again. I spent a good half hour talking to Xin about things on MSN (who has stayed up really late). On our upcoming holiday and stuffs. Near 6 AM, I took a short 40 minute nap. I didn't really fall asleep. I was not planning to nap but I got really emo again near to 6 AM, and I could no longer beat to sit upright. The heart just really hurt. Like, there were no tears. I didn't even feel all that sad. I really didn't. I just needed to hide under my blanket and pillow though. I noticed yesterday when I walked home from uni how while standing at the traffic light my legs were literally shaking. Because I was wondering why the floor was moving, then I realised it's just me. Not the floor. And I wondered why my legs were shaking so much. It wasn't even cold. I did the bad thing in the morning of just reminscing. The more I do that the more things just hurt. And the more aware it makes me of the current reality. The current reality is great right now, I am proudly walking through it. Just that I'm walking through it with something still chained to me... dragging me down, and while I can keep going, it is taking longer then it should, it is hurting me as I get further down the path, as I spend more time with this chain. But I know I can't give up, cause if I do I won't be able to get anywhere.

I spent the morning on my presentation for tomorrow then went to uni near 12 PM. No dance practice as Jono didn't come. Spent my entire afternoon with Rachel, Vince, Stan and a few others depending on the time. Joking about stuffs, talking crap, talking about anime and whatever else. Nearer to 4 PM a lady came by to our lunch table, telling us that there was free food in the banquet hall. Khanat yelled out FREE FOOD! and just ran for it. With a lot of people following after him like as though their lives depended on it. I was like... oh, this is how poor the anime club people are. Everyone went and nom nom nom, gobbled all the foods down. There were muffins, quiche, sandwiches, spring rolls and stuffs.

After that we went to maccas shortly after. I brought bubble tea earlier in the morning so I was out of monies but I got treated to oreo McFlurry so yay~ hehe. I came home and yay, DINNER!. Jia Chee cooked fried chicken rice today, with help from Sha and Sha's yummy vegetables. I slept pretty early, past 10 PM. I don't really feel like blogging it anymore, I felt too sick to sit upright and do my work. It just hurt too much. It's a dumb feeling on my part, to still think stuff like "Oh... if that one hour just disappeared... everything would have been so different" and all that. Or for me to remember how emo I was during the summer holidays because I missed someone that badly. So badly it was killing me. And to never see that person again even when I did return to Aus. To miss so many things the only thing I could do was hide under my blanket. As there is no where else for me to go. Asking myself... "Why didn't time stop when I wanted it to?". It has been months already, if I think about it - if I include the summer holidays - nearing 6 months. Since I left Aus in November. And I told my friend, yeah... to everyone it has been months. To everyone it is something long forgotten, a thing of the past. To me everything felt like yesterday because time hasn't actually affected me much at all. Gah, so much for letting go and moving on. Well, it's my own weakness. Gotta figure it out somehow myself, eh? Dunno... right now I guess I should just focus on handing in all those 50% - 60% I have (I have 4 of them in the next 4 weeks). I already failed one unit, I need to pass the other three at least or I'm really beyond dead.

I am getting annoyed at my concentration though. I can't seem to concentrate long enough to get any useful work done. Mind just wanders too much. *sighs* Or I just feel ill. Bah. *goes to get her presentation finish* Should of did this like 2 days ago...

"To the world you may be just somebody, but to somebody you may just be the world."