A reality that I can't see...

And my days of being a moron continues. I shall take a more humorous approach to the post as I am in better moods today (probably cause I didn't have to go to Caulfield... I have an aversion to that place to be honest...). Well, sort of. I got up and my usual morning of emo-ness was cut short cause I had to do a bit of work. Which I tried to do. But I was sleepy since I only slept for a couple of hours. I went to class... uhh... it was sort of nice in Education. I went in 5 minutes late and everyone was already seated and waiting for class to start, and all the tables were almost full. Cept for a random seat or two. Now, I don't have any friends really... so I was sort of... meh, having that "ah shit..." feeling cause I didn't know where to go. Great thing about Education is that it's true I don't have friends but social exclusion doens't really happen cause everyone is an educator - we specialise in not only teaching content but in the wellbeing of students. And social exclusion is a huge part of school so meh... it wasn't too bad. I sat down at an empty table with one other guy but a girl on another table was looking at me, said "Hi Celine~" and I said hi back and pointed at the sole empty chair at her table. "Wanna sit there?" So I was like.. uhh okay... lol. Cool. Someone actually asked me to sit with their group. O.o I don't even know them....

The guy that sat next to me is also heading to McKinnon Secondary College, my placement for this year. He told me to ride a bus down North Road to Ormond Station then train down to McKinnon station one station away. That sounds like a better idea then bus-ing to Caulfied then train-ing down, lol. Journey planner has given me a few ideas on what to do though (hmm... Carnegie has a bus to McKinnon...). I'll have to leave home around 7:15 AM each day, gah... aronud 40 - 50 minutes of travelling time. Double the time it took to get me to Mount Waverly. Ah well... I guess it isn't 2 hours at least...

After that I went to my lecture. I found out that I had to bring my textbook to my tut today but as always... I didn't. So I went back home after the lecture to get my book. Took a BreadTop bread as my lunch and went to find MCAC peeps. Uhh.. sat around for a bit... not really doing anything. With Phe-chan... tried to do work. But it didn't work too well. Then I went to my tut. The tut involved some random activity where I just talked a lot. Uhh... my peers had to like comment on my "observed" self as in... comment on one characteristic of me. Unfortunately, my peers don't know me. But I was described as "happy/bubbly, fast worker, and not much of a talker". I LOL-ed... cause.. well you know.. 'happy'. Riiiight. We had to write down our ideal self and our actual self too... in which I wrote in my actual self "positive (outside)". I explained that I am positive... on the outside. It's fake. Peers understood why because everyone who is loud and energetic in a sense, is harboring something inside they are trying to hide. I'm no different. The energetic and outgoing people are not necessarily carefree people.

After class I just sat around. I was spacing out a lot, and generally uncomfortable. Past 3 PM Raine found out I had eaten nothing since the 5 AM I woke up but a peace of bread... and forced me to go to Wholefoods where I literally swallowed a HUUGE bowl of pumpkin soup and a slice of garlic bread. @.@ Thanks Rainy for buying me lunch...

After that... more spacing out. Raine doesn't like me having so much 'free time' (not really I should be doing work but I can't) so... Raine forced me to attend some info talk for the International Student Volunteers (ISV) where they like... have 4 week trips where you do volunteer work and travel. It sounds awesome actually but it's like... $4000. Can't afford that. @.@ If I ever have money that would be cool though... to do the things you'll never in your life otherwise. Like go white water river rafting, sky diving, bungee jumping, something about getting pushed off a waterfall and other crazy things where I'll probably get killed. xD We left halfway cause I was about to fall asleep. Generally I felt pretty crap today cause I was too uncomfortable with everything. I dunno, it's not like anything bad is happening. But I never want to smile, something is weighing me down completely - and I get irritated at certain people. My mood went up when Kim asked me to practice what we learnt yesterday from umm... the dance we're doing. I finally can spell things right now. Right now we're doing BoA's 'Eat You Up' XD. Me and Andrew are learning. Hehe. I managed to get a bit farther. But lots of work to be done.

I decided to head off at 4:30 PM. I went to the counselling office. Told Raine and Amanda I need to go. I can't finish my work. I was praying that Jimmy (the counsellor) guy wouldn't see me because I do not want an aquaintance to be counselling me. Especially as I am an EDUCATION student, lol I study pschology too! I'm sensitive to the needs and feelings of people in a social context, because... c'mon. In a school setting, where you have hormone raging teenagers... teachers are one of the first line of defenses to identify depressed students due to social isolation, relationship problems and all that. I know what's wrong with me. But I can't help myself. So let's see what a professional says, heh. But nooo... have to come back tomorrow. But I have class tomorrow in Caulfield. Meh.

In the evening, me and the housemates went to Glenny. To uhh... eat a small dinner (dumplings~) and then Max Brennor (for chocolate~). Amanda went with her cousin and friend. So there were 7 of us. It was pretty fun. We shared food at the dumpling place so dinner was like $5. And we were really full. Hooray for light eaters? At Max Brennor, I made the mistake of ordering... Dark Chocolate MOCHA Frapps.... GAHH!! IT TASTED LIKE COFFEE! Yeck... what a waste of my $7 (I like how... the drink was more expensive then dinner). Remind me next time. Max Brennor = Food. Kokoblack = Drinks.

Got home... I did no work. Went to sleep by 11 PM. Oh go me... =.= I think my sleeping is getting earlier. I recall sleeping at like 10:30 PM yesterday. I wake up by 5 or 6 AM though...

I was glad today to see that I didn't cry. I was about to, but since Raine kept... making me do things. Or talk to me. Or randomly pat me when she can see my eyes just... blanking out. She isn't the only one mind you. I know Alan runs over sometimes when he sees that I'm about to just fall over by sitting in one place. Isn't exactly the best day but I lived through it. Things can only improve from here. ^^

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@Mag: Oh gawd... if I went to see Manju now. She would seriously bitch slap me. I can see it now... "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WOMAN???!!!!!" I would avoid RMIT (manj's uni) / the city just for that very reason. Hahahaha. XD