Exhaustion, confusion and a bit of everything...

Yay, taking random assignment breaks to get this little blog entry done. Be warned. Lots of profanity. As usual, I am pissed off. In the end I didn't study much for my 30% today. In the morning I got all emo again, and thinking. It was pretty bad. Once again I'm still an idiot, lol. If my friends were around me they would kick my ass (the college + high school ones - since the housemates and uni friends here aren't kicking my ass). Fuck, if it was my friend acting like me I would kick her fucking ass. I mean... seriously, it's almost been 2 fuckin' months. I'm so pathetic. Ieja asked me a week ago: "why the fuck are you sad when the other person didn't care, miss you or respect you from day one? While you're like this. Are you stupid? *sighs* And don't say they did cause you were dropped like a potato and that was the end of it. That isn't respect. When cause of this you're a mess. If they cared you wouldn't be a mess." I don't feel sick at least so even if I do go emo once in a while I don't really care anymore long as I don't feel sick. As me being emo is fine. Cause everyone is emo once in a while. But long as I can enjoy myself in the normal times with friends. Which I was struggling with weeks ago but I'm fine now in most cases. I dunno. Whatever. Seriously. Yeah. I made that post earlier. Seriously. I'll kick the next person who wants to mess with me. I should of beated someone up 2 months ago. Just to get it out. Bah. Now I'm gonna fail. I'm stupid. I'm gonna fail cause I cared too much. Dammit, why couldn't I be the one who didn't care? But hell, cause I do care I don't even want to be the one inflicting the pain and hurting the other person. But being the fucking victim is stupid. Cause now I'm gonna fail and if I fail I'm gonna fall behind ONE YEAR (not one semester) cause of core units. Shit shit shit. I need to get this out. FUCKING THIRD YEAR. SHIT. One of the most important years of uni and I'm gonna fail for once. FUCK. FUCK EMOTIONS. For making me struggle so hard to do work.

Okay. So I went to Caulfield for my test. After not studying. I sat there for one around listening to music. Then I almost fell asleep during my test. I'm awesome aren't I? I wrote such crap cause I couldn't even read the paper sometimes. I was too exhausted to read the paper. So much for passing that one. Rushed back to uni for screenings. Screenings was... meh. Uhh... I just made announcements... we showed Kannagi and POKEMON episode 1. The Pokemon was the guys idea but they had no Pokemon episodes. But I had one so episode 1 went up. Hahaha. It was excellent. I loved the moment I was like...

Celine: "As this is the last screenings run by me, I am gonna play my FAVOURITE ANIME!"
Theme song~ : "I'm gonna be the very best...." [Pokemon US theme song]
EVERYONE: WTF!!!??? O.O LOLOLOLOLOL!!!! Ahahahahaha~ whoooo~

Oh man, there were like VIPs in the JSC. And then they liked poked their head through the auditorium and SAW a group of ADULTS watched DUBBED POKEMON! I died inside. Oh yeah, we had the EGM too. It was supposed to be after the first episode of Kannagi, but some chick who tried to jump across my projector and laptop cables like pulled the cable out of the socket so everything went down. Cause I couldn't reboot fast enough and we're trapped for time I had Jimmy do the EGM during that time. We passed a motion that TJ is to be silenced, lol. Awesome-ness.

What else. Before screenings Phe-chan gave me awesome chocolate cheesecake his mum made. Hehe. I feel honoured to be one of the few who got to eat it! Um... after screenings. I dunno, I bought bubble tea... went to lunch table. Sat around. Then went to physio. Last time at physio. With this, my last 'promise' with that person is done (well besides not doing wu shu again - which I'll still stick to I suppose). Unless I fall over and hurt myself again I don't need to return to the physio again. Cools. After that library. FUCK. NO BOOKS. I'M ROYALLY SCREWED.

I went back to lunch table. No Drue or James. Gahhh. I sat around with Alan, Yi Xin and a lot of randoms. Then everyone came! Yay! Meeting time. 3 hour meeting with Xin, James, Sam and Drue. Probably the last one with them. As usual, it was loads of fun. Hehe. I mean, the guys are awesome and I <3 my committee muchies, even if we are all stressed beyond what words can explain. Camp is like a rollercoaster of... so much to do. Too many problems, too many issues. I'm gonna be a busy person during camp... even worse is when I realise that everyone has been saying they dunno anyone and etc. And I'm like... I know everyone who is coming on camp though (minus 5 people). So like.. meh, if I can know all 70 people I dun see why anyone else can't. Gonna try to bring the folks together. It means a bit of hardship for me though, past experience has told me that forcing people out of their comfort zone means quite a bit of backlash to you at times.

Uhh... I went home. At dinner on my own, sort of. The mousse I made WAS NASTY. lol. Wasted efforts. =.= Went back to room... tried to do work. Had a lot of trouble. Decided to sleep early and wake up even earlier the day after... dunno, this assignment has been disasterous cause of my emo-ness... bah, my mood swings are getting unbearable at times. It's cause I'm trying to fight, like... fight to get out of my 'I am depressed' shell. But meh... fighting means chaos. It means one second I am trying the next second I really don't want to try anymore.

It's annoying.

"Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call "Failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down."