It IS a smile... it has to be....

Gah. Today. Uhh... yeah. I tried to wake up at like... 3 AM but it didn't really work that well. I sort of woke up and went to sleep straight after. I tried my best with work. I skipped like... every class I have today. With that, besides the test... I have not gone to a SINGLE CLASS THIS WEEK. I can't believe myself. I skipped a 2 hour compulsory seminar and a 1 hour tutorial. Gahhh!!! For the sake of my 50% assignment. If I only snapped out of my senses like weeks ago and started weeks ago. I dug my own grave, seriously. But yes, I finished it up! And yay! FREEEDOM!! I went to uni to print it out and hand it in. Hehe.

Then I just hobbled to lunch table. Not much happening at all. I was sort of sleeping. And in a weird mood as usual. Sha came by and stuffs. And Rainy. I got sent home to sleep cause we're supposed to have an all-nighter movie marathon and I've slept like only a few hours in the past few days. I was reluctant though but yeah... I went back home by 4:30-ish?

What did I do... I tried to sleep. But... it didn't work out too well. First Yi Xin knocked on my door. When I was about to drift off. Then Aflred phoned when I was about to drift off again. Then for the third Yi Xin came by again saying whether I was ready to leave or not? LOL. Okay, so much for sleep. =.= During this little time I recall being extremely emo as usual. I've been in total recollection mode lately. Probably cause of my dreams and stuff. It doesn't really bother me too much. I'm trying to think why I can't just let go. Mind you, often my emo-ness turns to total anger these days. But you know, betrayal and trusting a liar sort of does that to you. Or so I like to think. I dunno, I think me becoming angry is a defense mechanism (aka I tell myself lies to try to convince myself to hate) cause otherwise there isn't much point to wallow in sorrow. But it doens't work after a while when I come to that realisation. I should still hate though, cause I was used, right? Right?

Near to 6 PM, me and Xin made our way towards Khanat's house! We were invited for dinner. So we bus-ed over. On the bus was Mel and Leon. Mel brought her shiny new netbook! A beautiful black eeePC! It's lovely. Hehe. Umm.. at K-man's house. Jimmy, Tom and K-man were sitting about. There was that Mimi bunny doll. It was really cute and Tom was playing with it. I want it. T.T lololol. Raine came over. And that was our lovely dinner. We had shabu shabu!! Japanese steam boat / hot pot. Never had it before. It was goooood. Lots of meaaaat! Umm.. then we sat around watching an episode of Samurai Champloo. And me and Jimmy playing Stepmania on my netbook. Then we went to Coles ~ to buy fooods. Then off to Chris' place by bus!

At the movie night. Uhh... attendance was myself, Yi Xin, Sha, Jeremy, Vu, Sam, Tom, Khanat, James, Raine, Jess, Drue, Bernie-chan and Chris himself of course! I got the couch! Shared with Xin and Jeremy (well Xin went off it after a while it was my napping spot). First movie we watched. Umm.. Idiocracy! OMG. I LOST around 20 IQ watching that. CRAP. T.T It was actually witty in a sense cause it IS satire but... omg... stupidity overload. We laughed our heads off. Yes, it is one of the dumbest movies ever! Then was OH GAWD ... more Harold and Kumar! Last movie night we saw White Castle so now it's... the second one. Gah. Yeah, I fell asleep halfway through this movie. Cause I was tired. Lost some IQ watching that one too. After that was umm... My Best Friend's Girl. I think they watched. Then a Jay Chou movie. I only saw a bit of each and fell asleep. After that I know Jeremy, Drue and Chris did not ever sleep as they all played Super Smash Brothers for the remainder of the night. I woke up to join in lol.

In the morning, lots of bad bad illicit gossip from the men. =.= Then um.. the group of us hobbled to maccas for breakfast!! And that is a post for the next day, lol.

Overall, it was a day I tried to be happy on but yeah, the pangs of sadness keep cutting into me. And I really hate it. Cause I shouldn't ever feel sad. But I do. It's really sad to watch if you ask me. It hurts so much more to know that I'm the only one feeling this too. Like, all this sadness is for nought you know. Why am I being sad? I have no idea. I can't even sit through a movie without spacing out for a bit... asking myself, why the hell are things like this? And what could I have done differently for things not to have been like this? And how things could have been so much better if they were not like this. I would always ask myself... I would probably do the same things as I am right now if I was not in this condition. If all those things did not ever happen. But, what kind of feeling would I have had if that was to happen? How much more happier would I have been? And how much more time would not have been wasted these past 2 months sitting around like this, having it so hard to breathe.

"Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt."