Still alive!

I'm still alive! Studying for ENH1990 exam. Will not blog until that is done. I was upset yesterday sniffing in my unhappy corner cause I got a 51% on my 35% ENH1990 major essay. OMFG. LOWEST SCORE EVER. I was really shocked. And upset. I immediately ran to buy a chocolate muffin from The Den, lol. Luckily when I went to collect my essay, a classmate Skye was there so she was attempting to calm me down as I slowly threw a small fit after seeing my score.

I need to get used to the fact that my grades aren't gonna be good if I slack off and attempt to enjoy life instead rather then sitting in my lonesome doing essays like semester one. But I haven't had bad grades since... year 7. But yeah, I will learn that passing is good enough (getting above 50%). Anything else doesn't matter since I don't have a scholarship and I probably won't do honours (even if I had the grades for it I should work once I finish these 4 years, not waste another year).

Although I'll be busy once the exams are over moving out and stuff (luckily Alex has volunteered to help me move out, giving me boxes, the use of his car and manpower LOL). And bunch of MCAC activities before I run home, some random outing / celebration for early exam finishers on the 10th (going to DFO for fun and doing something at night, I hope we don't party all night LOL). And I know we're gonna go to the E-games expo (and Raine, Moo-chan and others wanna go to the Sexpo running at the same day at the same place... and want to drag me in with them. I don't mind going but I don't wanna pay $22 to go to a convention about sex lol) annnd karaoke (the real end of exam celebration MCAC style) joint with Caulfield people. I'll miss the after party / pub crawl though since I'm going home on the same day. T.T

And the day arrives...

So... tomorrow is the start of my first final exam. Uhh. It's funny. I haven't studied AT ALL today (it's almost 4 PM). Didn't do anything last night either. Dunno what's wrong with me. I'm not confident at all, I don't understand half the theories still and I can only remember 10% of the work. I must be in a state of denial, refusing to take anything else in because it's not gonna do much anymore. Or I'm just lazy. I don't know. I mean it's gonna be so funny tomorrow. I'll have to write essays for my exam. I haven't written more then my own name and a shopping list for months. I'll probably break a sweat writing anything after one paragraph.

I'm reading the past year papers and I can't write them. If tomorrow is anything like these papers, I can't do them. I might be able to like write one paragraph for each of them, but... an entire essay? I should try to do them but I dunno... I don't feel like it anymore.

It's sink or swim tomorrow, ROFL.

That said, even if I fail the exam I'll still get a credit for my final grade, so eh, this might be the source of my laziness.

The exam blues...

I guess my days of blogging daily are over for now. I'm just not bothered during exam time. I'll make another gigantic post on Thursday after my COM1020 exam. Spent the past few days, uhh... having fun with a few MCAC activities. Besides that, I've done nothing but listen to lectures for COM1020. And not remembering a single thing in the end. Bleh. I'm kind of dead in a way. I guess a large reason why I'm so lazy / unmotivated is that this exam is only worth 30%. If I combine my grades on the other 70% I get a total of 51% (or so, my grade on class participation is a estimation). Either way, there's no way I can fail this unit, so it's just a matter of studying to get that D!

Although I still feel worried / stressed / not alive though. The kind of feeling I get when I'm depressed. The "I don't feel alive" feeling. The empty feeling. I want to get my paper over with and feel like I'm living again. And yeah, although I don't have that killer pressure and making sure you can pass, my "I want to get a high grade!" instinct still leads me to be worried for this exam when I can clearly see that I know ABSOLUTELY nothing in this unit at all. I can only touch the surface of each topic. Not sure how I will be able to write an essay, there's no way I can write an analysis as I am now.

I had a terribly annoying cold and a sneezing fit yesterday also. Much better today (I went and gave myself like 8 hours of sleep for once, compared to the 3 hours I've been getting the past 2 days). Rest and food does wonders! Glad I drank lots of water as to not get a sore throat. The second I get a sore throat it's over for me. Cause when that happens it means it'll develop into a flu and a high fever. That's how I seem to work. And I haven't gotten sick all year, the next time I get a flu I'll be immobile and dizzy.

The tiredness continues.

So I spent the entire day half dead. Pretty much the same as yesterday. Woke up at around 6 AM for placement. I was dead pretty much the whole of placement, the kids had like a performing arts class, I actually fell asleep in the class for like 30 seconds (before I think my head just drooped over and my partner poked me). Anyway I'm glad she did. I would probably get into big trouble sleeping like that. Since I'm a teacher there, not a student. The last thing I need is getting thrown out of my course because I fell asleep in a school, upsetting them.

Jill, my EIL tutor, gave me an extension for the ongoing 3 day test. I'm still gonna get it done in the next few hours hopefully since even with the extension... well I need to do other work after tomorrow. So I don't have time to do this anymore. Hopefully whatever I write will get me a decent score.

Wacky Wednesday at placement tomorrow. No idea what to wear. I'll just wear a pink bucket hat and... something else. Placement is a lot more boring this time around (and I'm doing so much less) I'm not even looking forward to going, unlike last time.

And seems I can get to Drue's BBQ afterall. With the help of dear Raine and Bernie. <3

Oh and I like made fettuccine in my room again. Haha. I love cooking things in the rice cooker. Anyway, back to the test!