So long as I could smile...

Mmm. I don't really know what to say about today. Guess I'll blog a step at a time. I got up pretty late. Like 6 AM (okay, that line sounds hilarious but 6 AM IS LATE if you've been up at 3 AM everyday for the past 6 days). Class was 11 AM at Caulfield. I sooo hate the Caulfield classes. I swear I will never take another unit on another campus ever again. I just can't be bothered leaving an hour earlier because of the bus. Class was meh. Nothing really. My tutor seems to be really amused with my netbook (he has never used such a small laptop before).

Went to uni. Uhh... sat around with people. Jimmy, Tom, Rachel, Brad and the usuals. I had 'Shanghai Dumplings' for lunch from the meeting point. It was terrible. And the vinegar I poured on freaked everyone around me cause of the smell (I recall Rachel's friends, Thomas Hoang and other random people wonder what in the world I was eating). My hands smelt like vinegar for ages. Dragged off with Kimmy and Alan to the K dance group. Uhh... we just messed around half the time. Lee and Alan are singlehanded the most two evil individuals ever. Harmless by themselves, but once their together... they keep tag-teaming to bully me as much as possible. Lee keeps playing dumb and acting like he can't stand being near Alan, at the same time while collaborating with the guy to steal my mobile, my mp3 player, tickle attack from both sides, lol.

Hmm. At 4 PM we went back to lunch table. Uhh... we just waited around for Amanda T. to come. Me and Alan did our thing to big Papa Sam, where we like tap him on both sides of his shoulder and start crying. It was funny, he tried to smack us. LOL. Then at 5 PM we set off for Korean BBQ! Umm... as the buses were at peak period, everyone going together was out of the question. So we had Team Sam, Team Leon and Team Amanda T. I was gonna volunteer to lead a team but then Sam gave the job to Leon! So I'm not good enough anymore, eh? T.T Team Leon took the 8-something bus to Huntingdale, Team Sam took 900 and Team Amanda took 630. I was in Sam's team but the 900 was so packed that before me and Phe could get on we were denied entry. So I was like... I got kicked off the bus. Is it cause I'm too heavy??? So I joined Amanda's group on the 630. Boo the bastards who laughed at my heavyness that I got thrown off a bus, lol.

At Huntindgale... 4 members of Leon's group including Leon himself was there. Apparently they got left behind cause two people didn't have any metcards for the train so like... they couldn't make it for the train. And the other two stayed with em'. So we all rode the train together. And everyone regrouped at Flinders! Then off to the Korean BBQ place. Umm... we had more ppl then anticipated so we had to get an extra table. I was gonna sit with Rachel, Lucy, Kim, Vince, Jeremy and everyone at first but then we got kicked off and seperated. But I got to sit with Emma, Rachel, Amanda, Rowan and Jono so it's all good. <3 I was happy that Rachel stuck with me, I dunno whether it just turned out that way or that she remembered a certain plea I made to her the night before, and stayed by my side to keep me afloat. Whatever it is, I appreciated it.

I did not eat very much. I actually felt pretty sick. But the meat was good. The people around me ordered more food but since I decided not to eat any, I just paid $9 for the meal. Some jokes that happened... uhh... Jeremy insisted that I took 15 shots and was piss drunk or something (whuut...?). I had like 5 people ask me how much I drank, what the... I don't drink, lol. I drank like 5 glasses of water is all I did. It was funny when one table broke down and Andrew Kim was like "Look! The only table that isn't working has Leon on it!" [everyone bursts out laughing]. Classic. So yeah, a lot of funny stuff basically. After that umm... when we left the venue. Amanda T. and others left for Max Brenner (which I wasn't aware of... no one told me about this T.T).

But yeah, our group went towards Harajuku Cafe. While waiting for people to get Ichipan, James Borg was harrasing random passerbys (asking random chicks for their numbers, throwing pickup lines and serenading strangers). OMG, half of us were like... yep, we dunno these people. Me and Sam escaped to BORDERS momentarily as Sam bought his weekly dose of manga, lol. Then we went back and found the others at Maccas. Uhh... I didn't do much. Since I was a bit out of it, unfortunately... I was not social enough. And yeah, I could not keep up with everyone, was out of the circle and stuffs. I just chatted to Vince at the side for an hour. Xin and Jono wanted to go to Max Brenner together but there was too many people so they came back and the three of us just went home.

Turns out Tim, Jenni and forgot who was the third person, lol... was on our train. We all went back together. I fell asleep on the train, haha. Umm.. at the bus, Vince like pointed out Akmal to me. I got off the bus and took three steps and was like... hmm.. this person.. oh, it's Winston! LOL. Tsan and Akmal and others were shopping or something. Yay, we walked back home and yeah... the day was nearing over.

The night was a bit odd. I was just MSN-ing a bit. Contemplating a bit. I went to snuggle under my blanket for a bit. And the tears... just wouldn't stop falling. But it's fine right? Cause I kept my smile up for the entire day. It's fine, right? For me to be like this at night. In my room. By myself. I'm not bothering anyone. The lonely nights spent under my cold blanket. Where no warmth is found. At least let that be where I can express what I really feel. That it all... just really hurts. But I know I can't give up, and I know I won't give up. I'll continue keeping up a smile and a laugh during the day. Because it is fun. And I need to do it for everyone else too. Because my own friends themselves all often seem to be in a lot of pain. So... I'll try my best for them too. And help them out when I can. And it may sound silly to cry every night from all the stress of keeping things up but, I think I can live like this... so, it's fine. Right? It's fine...

"I always knew looking back on my tears would bring me laughter, but I never knew looking back on my laughter would make me cry."

@Mag: FOB is fresh off boat. Meaning immigrants (assuming they used to come by boat). Yes, they were sick cartoons! D:
@Anonymous: I will assume you are K-man. Because you talk like him. I shall hit you for calling me a granny too, ya old fart~ :P
@Xin: Nah, don't worry about it. By nature, I am emotional. But I am also extremely logical if you give me the time. You just tell what you always feel like saying, let me freak out if I need to freak out and give me a few hours to contemplate and wonder what the heck I was freaking out about to begin with, lol. It happens all the time. Sadly, emotions are what ruins everything sometimes...