Increasingly restless...

Title says it all. I don't know, I am getting increasingly restless. Fidgety. Uncomfortable no matter where I am. Like, the only comfort I take is sleeping now. But that's just cause when I am asleep I feel nothing, see nothing and know nothing. I just dream, dream sweet dreams. But that is like running away from reality, and well... I should be tired of that already. I'm also tired of trying, but I don't want to give up cause... yeah, I'm sort of left without any choice. If I give up, well I don't know what giving up means. Say if we minus the whole not living part, to give up I guess would mean to stop trying to be as happy as you can, and who the crap wants to be miserable all the time? Uni is supposed to be the best time of my life and dammit I'm gonna make it the best time even if it kills me. >.>

I overslept in the morning. I was supposed to get up at 5 AM but I turned off my alarm and it was 7 AM by the time I realised I was still asleep and the sun was coming up. I skipped my Caulfield classes... cause I can't be bothered going to Caulfield anymore to be honest. I have an aversion to that campus in general. So I just went to uni at 12 PM... uhh, me, Sam and Leon bought our tickets for the Japanese Club's Dinner Night we are going to. I hope it'll be good. Emma prepared a booklet entitled "Operation Phe's Cosplay" detailing information on choices for Phe to cosplay. I made a poll on MCAC forums for everyone to vote on. Haha. 1 PM was screenings. Watched Eden of the East (a new show Rachel has been bugging me to watch for weeks, lol - it was good though) and CCS.

After screenings, uhh... it was random but Sam, me, Vince and Leon went to Chaddy. Cause I wanted earphones as I broke the last pair I have. Vince needed a scarf and Sam wanted to do a manga run. We went to JB Hi-Fi but I decided to just Ebay my earphones since I can get better ones for the same price. Sam bought a game and we spent forever in BORDERS and random clothing stores and no one really bought anything. It was hilarious. I dunno what we did all afternoon. And I learned today that men don't go shopping for clothes together! I never thought about this! So they either buy clothes themselves or... their mum buys it for them. OMG! It stuck out to me when Vince sort of asked Sam + Leon for their opinion on his scarf. And Sam was like... "......... uh... it's... okay?", hahaha. It was so funny! Sam said that guys don't try on clothes when they buy it (just hold it front of them) and thus why it doens't fit half the time (evidenced by Leon's oversized clothes or something he said). Hmmm. Very interesting!

We did nothing else but bum around in Nandos. And then went back to uni. I had nothing else to do and I wanted to help the housemates with food at home so I went home past 6 PM. Umm... everone was cooking and stuffs. I was tired for some reason so I went to nap in Yi Xin's room for an hour. I wasn't actually that tired physical, I dunno why I went to nap in her room. I think it's cause I just wanted to hide under something, and I didn't want to be in my room. Yeah, dinner was lasagna by Sha. After dinner I just stayed in my room for hours.

I decided on my cosplay for Manifest! Hehe. Will hopefully be a match to K-man and Sam who should be doing characters from the same series. I do hope.

I just went to sleep randomly. I dunno, today was odd. I just froze sometimes out of nowhere and wondered to myself. Wondering... what's up, really. Why do I feel so... out of place. Right now. With everything. I felt like saying something Xin today but she was obviously too busy, burdenered with a lot of things and well... I don't think I should say anything anymore. Cause everyone is sort of tired of it. I guess I'm just really insecure now. I don't want to bother anyone anymore. Just floating around feels strange though. I've no clue what's wrong really. I mean, nothing is wrong. Life is always how it is. I spend my days peacefully, every single day, surrounded by loving and caring friends. What else is there for me to ask for?

I've already used this quote in a blog post but I think it is appropriate. My mind knows all this, but not the body / the heart. So I am having trouble fooling myself. And this quote has so much irony in it for me. I mean, I am by nature just someone never satisfied. And I lose things because of that. Things that were so important to me. I should be warned really. As a friend had said... "Before you lose everything, you idiot... come back. We've all been waiting for so long..." I want to, I WILL, but... wait for me a bit longer. Please.

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."

@Les: Only one part of the wall is blue. And that is all very interesting. Really interesting. Somewhat relevant also. Disturbingly...
@Mr. Anonymous: Probably K-man because I can only see him calling me a silly girl (wait, Yi Xin does that too but she would sign her name). Congrats, K-man. You have now officially made me go teary with your comment. That and the morning atmosphere.