House BBQ

Saturday! I woke up at 5 AM to study but it didn't work again. As everyday. At 10 AM me and Jia Chee went shopping for groceries. Uhh... I made a mistake and didn't tell Yi Xin we were going at that time cause I sort of assumed everyone would guess it would be at that time. Remind me to never make assumptions again. Clayton shopping involved me buying baking stuff only (flour, sugar, milk, cocoa powder, butter and etc.) I guess I am baking too much lately. I need to cut down. And use the time to study or something.

When we got back at 12 PM, Tony, Paul and Tony's gf was there setting up the BBQ (it was our house's annual BBQ). They had potato salad and other salads or something. It was a simple and pleasant BBQ in our backyard. It's quite nice to have it at your home, I mean... we can get to the toilet or go to our rooms in less then a minute. It took for a while for them to setup the BBQ place and stuffs, in the mean time we were upstairs munching on Sha's donuts and just spying on them from below (like stalkers). Eventually things got cooking and we hung about outside, although it was rather chilly.

So food including sausages, chicken drumlets, lamb chops (cause of Joanne, we wanted lamb, lol), mixed Italian salad and potato salad. Our entire house was there minus Shakarin, Tony, Paul, their sister, another guy I didn't know, and his niece and nephew. From outsiders, Xin invited Jono of course and we also had Jie and Christina over.

Our net got capped, Thomas was like... gahhh, cause he needs to do research. And the library being open for only 4 hours on a Sunday doesn't help. Me and Joanne will be camping out there tomorrow also to get our research done. Let's see, while people were still eating I wanted more cookie to eat for the BBQ, since the chocolate ones I made were almost gone. So I made shortbread biscuits! And chocolate icing to dip it in. It was nice, buttery and awesome! Everyone gobbled it up. Joanne, Mei Xian, Jia Chee and Sha put a ton of effort into making cute cookie shapes with the dough. Although, the recipe isn't value for money. Used half a kg of my flour that I bought today (T.T) and made so little biscuits (well little for me, it won't last more then one or two days). So meh...

Evening was spent me trying to read. Taking a short nap. And just bumming around. I was a bit down again but it's the usual when I'm alone and not realy napping, just lying in my room staring at the ceiling. Keep in mind I used to do this for an extended period of time, so I do think that it is a recovery for me to spend less time doing this. And more time studying or doing something else. I'm sure in the next few months to come I'll stop with the contemplation, and general emo-ness. Just gotta always remind myself that life never goes how you want it to go. The 20 years of my life (all that I went through in high school and childhood) is an example of this. Despite that I lived a wonderfully comfortable life, and since I have the chance in front of me, I should use all I have to enjoy time as it goes by. Making myself miserable when I shouldn't be is rather silly of me. I'm already regretting the past 3 months I've lost. The past 3 months went by so fast, it wasn't fast but it felt fast. It felt like only yesterday I came back to Australia. I wish it didn't. Cause those are memories I never wanna relive again. My greatest regret is my lack of studies and the reflection of my grades. I mean to BARELY (and I do mean having 51% barely) pass 3 of my units, and to fail the core one so badly that I don't know what I'll do from now onwards. I must work hard in the next few weeks. And start over again in semester 2. I guess it proves that LITERALLY doing no work won't get you through uni. Bah, my damn weakness. Thinking about how stupid I am / was just pisses me off already, lol.

I need to be able to reach a point where I can say: "My 2009 starts only now." Because so far my 2009 has been wrought with negative emotions. With too much tears. There's a lot of people around me, people I've met this year, people I've met last year, people I met the year before that, my college friends, my friend from 12 years ago. Need to focus. Another great regret I have so far this year is what I've done to Jia Chee. Her last semester in Australia involved her having to witness me throw a dozen panic attacks, yelling, screaming and sometimes just rambling hysterically. So pathetic really... am trying my best right now to make up for it. And to put a good face to everyone when I see them.

Okay, that's my daily dose of recollection and a focus of my emotions. I realise I repeat things often in my blog. It's cause I need to write it all out before I can go and do some more useful task. Since the stress and emotions do slowly build up everyday. At night Jia Chee made us a simple dinner of garlic bread with cheese and mushroom soup. Plus wedges + Mei Xian's awesome cheese dip. It was really good. We ate some shortbread cookies and Xin's frozen grapes for dessert (I had leftover chocolate dip from the cookies so we were dipping grapes + strawberries in the choco). I've eaten WAYYY too much today. I need to stop eating or I'm gonna put on even more weight than I already had (I rather enjoyed the weight I was a few months ago, I'll probably never reach that weight again, lol. But meh, it was a weight I had from literally eating nothing but maybe less then one meal a day so I guess that's out of the question - right now I'm back to normal... eating more then everyone else).

At night, I just read my novel for ENH3810 until I fell asleep. Jane Austen's 'Emma'. We studied it weeks and weeks ago, but due to my 'condition' I didn't read it and now I am lacking a text to write an essay on so I'm trying to catch up.

"May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy."

@Mag: I know... it's kinda creepy. But if you read it in the papers you'll know already when you get the call. Make sure your parents are aware, since they're calling random households in Brunei.