Anata no kaeru basho de aritai...

Gah. Today was supposed to be a pleasant day but it crash landed as I had the right buttons pushed. I should be over this already! GAH! Stupid Celine. Baka Celine. Baka baka baka Celine. Dammit, I wish I was like, cold hearted and indifferent in situations like this. I woke up at like 5 AM to do work. Went to Caulfield class as usual at 11 AM. Went to uni. There was barely anyone in uni today. Everyone is either doing work, playing badminton or was at the stage playing RO. I hobbled back and forth between lunch tables and the stage. Uhh... Sebby-kun did a birthday celebration for Jason. Most people dunno Jason but yeah we waited around for him. Even cancelled all our dance practices (Kimmy / Sebby anyway). I'm sure Alan and Lee wouldn't mind considering they were like playing RO the whole time.

I ran about trying to organise dinner for tomorrow before laserwars. I realised I was THE only girl... until I found out Steph is coming *phew*. I dun wanna pew pew pew with 20 guys only. For 6 hours in the middle of the night. There was one time I took Lawrence to C&S to get him refunded (we were looking for Jimmy) and like... I got trapped instead as Jimmy made me sign cheques. LOL, I am still signing cheques. Funny. I don't even remember being MCAC's prez anymore. I was gonna kick Lawrence for leading me there. Then James told him about my ankle. Gah, now he is teasing me about it! Other random cons...

Celine: Whuut... I'm the only girl at Laserwars?? I'm not gonna get raped, am I... T.T
Lawrence: No one is interested, Celine.
Celine: *kicks kicks kicks*

Me and Sebby sat and chatted to Rachel (non-MCAC one) for a bit. Andrew Kim was going berserk today, lol. I know the reason but I will not reveal as it is not my business and I don't find this something to tease or joke about. As I am well aware that the highly gossipy MCAC enjoys teasing and gossiping about people until they realise that people are in a lot of pain over many things. And it does hurt. And I know nothing is ever really a joke if you are serious. And sincere. As I am a huge gossip victim... yeah, I know how it feels also to be thought of as a joke. Ah well, I have my most trusted friends by my side though. Who know what I am really feeling, with that it's enough. With that I can live through everyone else laughing about me. And with that I can live through each day trying to get over everything. I do think it is highly hypocritical though that some people just love laughing at the feelings of others only to be in shock when they find themselves in the same / similar situations.

Jason finally came and we sang Happy Birthday! Hehe. And had cake! Not much else happened. Everyone sort of dispersed at 4 PM. Leon and co. went to KFC in Caulfield, lol. And everyone else just went home. So I went home too! Uhh... at home. Well I chatted to Yi Xin for a bit. Then in my room. Yeah, bad evening. I was okay, then well... someone showed me some photos of something. Photos from last year. And yeah, the tears just fell. I was glad Sha wasn't home otherwise she would of heard me sobbing, lol. And I don't need her to know or hear that. The photos from last year, I was smiling in them. I was laughing in them. And yeah, I just couldn't stop crying as I stared at the photo. Hehe, it was a photo from our BBQ last year of the Mokuani Dantai. We were all laughing in them. As though we were having so much fun. Those care free days, what I would give to the world to just go back to those times once again...

But I do know. If I keep staring at the doors that have already closed, I will miss out at what is in front of me. It's what my MSN PM right now is "Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." Right now I can't take this away because I need it to remind myself. I read it like every hour sometimes. Not that this year has been that bad. 2008 had been bliss, 2009 would have been good if not for my own feelings. I know the year has passed by really fast for me. So fast I didn't even realise it past by. But, I am really happy with the encounters I had this year too. Really happy I got to meet Alan, Kimmy, Lee, Andrew, Steve, Jeremy, Rachel, Leon and co...

I know some people are still waiting for me to come back. I'm waiting to come back too. Raine brought something up to me today. On MSN. I dunno, it has got me thinking now.

[c=3]Raine-[小雨連綿無情風][/c] - says: ...remember what you said before about mcac being more a crowd of acquaintances than a crowd of friends? =/ that seems to be the truth?

Apparently, I said that line back in 2007. The me of two years ago said that. I wonder how true that is. I think part of it isn't true. I was skeptical in most years. But a year has past. Two years has past. And right now I can safely say that I trust Yi Xin, Rainy, Vu, Khanat, Phe-chan and a few others greatly. And I'm sure next year will be the same. And, I did meet those people in MCAC. Actually, not Raine and Yi Xin, lol. They are my friends from elsewhere who happen to just be in MCAC. But I think maybe it is more then a crowd of acquaintances. Since people have shown me to be more dependable then I ever seem to give them credit for.

In the evening, we celebrated Jono's birthday! I came downstairs as I heard Jono dancing in our kitchen. LOL. Scaring Cas and Thomas! Hahaha. Epic! Epic! Me and Xin joined him! And yeah, it was his birthday today. He was at our house purely to spend his bday with Yi Xin I think, but it was awesome of everyone to come up with a quick celebration. I felt bad not doing anything at all. We had lots of awesome food by Yi Xin, Jia Chee, Sha, Joanne and Mei Xian (nothing from me, lol) and a mud cake!! Hehe. Yum. I think Jono wasn't expecting it! It was a fun little night. Now, I wasn't supposed to sleep tonight as I had a little plan of staying up until the morning, sleeping for a bit, then sleep my way through Saturday afternoon so that I can stay up throughout Laserwars. This plan didn't work. I was dead tired by midnight.

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."

@ Xin: Haha, perhaps. And yeah, Vu made me get burned down in that building!