When the world starts crashing down...

Okay. I sat here. Staring at my To-Do list. Typing up my To-Do list. I can see 13 items on it right now, it is increasing by the minute. I'm so out of it and emo [again - I know WTF celine??] right now, I've been typing things while in tears. I won't blame ya all if ya get tired of me (seriously, I would have already, lol). This doesn't happen often to me but I can actually feel a headache coming on now from just... I dunno, I guess this is what 'pressure' actually means? Uni hasn't even started yet!!! I can't tell whether it is pressure or me just having to do work while wanting to grab toothpicks and start stabbing myself with them. To be honest I would rather just hide under my blanket the entire day - mope around and shiver there. I am hating having to sit here in front of the comp. It is killing me. I stopped eating sort of again (which I feel bad for as my family wishes to take me out for dinner a few times during my last few days at home) But I guess I can't just mope about. Having to keep up this pretense of being 'happy' is getting increasingly hard also. Sent so many emails everywhere I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Been contacting MCAC sponsors, correspondence from other randoms, finding accommodation for our next club camp, etc. Some of the emails are not very positive (that or I'm not getting the replies I want...). Gah, this sucks. T.T

Okay, since I didn't blog yesterday. And no, Khanat, I'm not gonna post up that thing you wrote (as hilarious as it is). Well, I didn't do anything yesterday except get a new alarm clock. It is very cute. Old one broke. The new one is really small so I'm sort of wondering how fast it'll take me before I drop it and break it since it's so small. Ah well, hope it'll last me the year. Did very little otherwise yesterday. Today... on Ebay I finally got my EDF3009 textbook! For AUD$75. It's AUD$105 at Monash Bookshop so I guess that means I saved $30 for getting it second hand. Hopefully I can sell it agian in the future, lol. If I dont' get the book and the seller is a ripoff I'm gonna hurt some people. Cause I've been trying to get this for ages...

I was bored last night so I changed bags. RIP my old orange bag with the kitty. It's ripped, it's dirty, it has done me a good job of being thrown about and used for an entire year. Thank you for your service. I'm not the type of girl to use 10000 different bags because I can't be bothered taking things out and putting it into another bag depending on what I wear or whatever. But yeah, I love my new bag. It has so many pockets. Yay for better organisation. Kitty bag was cute but like... it had no pockets everything was always just tangled up and messy in my bag. And it always took me 10 minutes to dig around for my wallet, camera, etc.

New bag is pink! With lots of pockets, and since it was a bit plain I actually put my MCAC badge that I got last year to good use. I'm actually using it now, lol. It actually looks pretty good there, I approve greatly *nods*. I hope I can keep this bag looking relatively cleaner this year but I doubt it. Pink and white stripes.... ooh I can see the bottom of the bag getting grey within the first few weeks. That's the problem with me and all these cloth bags I've been getting lately. The bag isn't techincally new either. I bought it in 2007, lol. I just didn't use it.

Doing a bit more packing here and there. Clearing my table up. Mixed feelings about Sunday really... I'm excited but... I feel like I'm waiting for something that is gonna evitably come. Or maybe it already had. Am not too sure whether I should be happy or sad. Not that it matters. Time moves on at the same pace regardless of your feelings so I just need to accept that everything needs to move on and figure out what I want to do from there. I'm just a bit lost. And I know a lot of people are waiting for me to find my way again, and I will. I just need a bit more time to find the perspective from which I wanna go on about things again. I do still want to hide under my blanket though. I still say it sucks I have to do work instead of be able to cry and hide under my blanket and what not. Gah, whatever. I can't screw up O-week cause of my own feelings. Not happening. Not happening. Not happening.

Evening went out and parents got me a sleeping bag! LOL. Just in case I need one in Aus. Yay. It can double as a blanket I can carry around a bit easier then that bulky thing I currently have in my room in Aus. It's a really cheap one but yeah... way cool. Now I am wondering how to squeeze it into my already overflowing luggage. Must remember to make room for my two plushies. My 'ugly' teddy and my black piggy. Am not leaving those behind even if it kills me. I might have to just hand carry the sleeping bag it seems... T.T. Dinner was my entire family and me (meaning the parents, bro and his gf) at Le Taj. It's an Indian place. Pretty nice food. But... I was feeling so sick the food was good but none of it was getting inside.

I'm not in my room at 9 PM. Early for me but... I'm gonna lock myself in here for at least 15 hours. I don't wanna come out. I cancelled my miri trip... I can't go. Only comfort I have here right now is to bury myself under my blanket and cry all day. It's funny... I have no one to call in Brunei. I must have been a terrible person in the past eh... when there's no one from Brunei for me to run to. I can only hold on. Until next Monday...