It's sort of unbelievable how a single day could have it's ups and downs. I woke up at around 9 AM, which was sort of weird if you considered the fact that I got to sleep at 3 AM. You would think that I would like... sleep longer. But I got up without an alarm so... *shrugs*. I only decided to like... get out of bed at 10:30 AM though. And not a single person was at home. In general, the day was depressingly boring. I went to nap at like... 1 AM, which is sort of funny if you consider the fact that I only woke up like a few hours earlier. Some stuff happened here and there, I sadly can't even say on my own blog. But yeah, it sort of brought my whole day down right then and there.
Hmm. 3 PM, mum helped me pack luggage for Australia. I seem to be bringing more then I brought back. CRAP. My luggage was too much so now I have... my luggage plus a box full of stuff. I am DEFINITELY going overweight. Gahh! I hope it isn't more then 30 kg, or I won't know what to do. I didn't really want the box at first cause like... it means I have to make use of a trolley when I get to Melb airport (I normally don't use them because they charge you $4). Normally I just have my one huge luggage, laptop bag on my back and purse on my shoulder. Sadly, you need both arms to carry that box. I still dunno how I'm getting from the airport back to Clayton. =.=
Around 4:30 PM, I went driving! I haven't touched the car since I got my license a year ago - so I was really nervous, and didn't really know what I was doing. But my parents were like... practice, so I went onto a nearby road in the area that doesn't have people around (so I could practice steering and stuff). I'm still a bit... rough around the edges so I don't have the courage to... drive onto a crowded road just yet. Parking will be a problem to... (reverse parking that is - and we can forget me and side parking, lol). Before heading back, we went to Hua Ho Manggis cause I wanted to buy some ribbon for the calender cards yesterday. I decided to punch holes into the corners of them to make them into bookmarks instead. Otherwise they are pretty useless (I should of said that the calenders on them were from 2008, the 2009 ones were too costly to buy 200 of em'). At least now they have a purpose (besides looking nice). It'll take me a long while to tie on 200 pieces of ribbon onto 200 pieces of card though...
Dinner was alone. Rest of night was dull and generally alone. Was sort of told by someone important to me that I wasn't needed. A bit down from that I guess. I wonder how many more people that I care about are gonna tell me that I'm unwanted and a nuisance? Need something to get my mind off. It's really weird. Why is it that the people I want attention from the most are the ones that give it to me the least? Then I have other people I seem to ignore more often who I know wouldn't ignore me if I gave them that attention. Maybe it's karma, cause I don't give attention to everyone equally - and seek out only certain people that the people I actually want to see the most are the ones that ignore me the most. But it's not something I can help. It also shows how blind I am. The people I may like the best obviously don't return that feeling.
Mmm. Am hoping I can go outside tomorrow. Not too sure though, tomorrow looks like another day of me, alone... moping around the house. Not to sound so terrible. I know you all would come to keep me company if we didn't have something known as... being in different countries get in our way. And whoever is in the same country as me wouldn't come see me anyway, since I'm not worth the time am I...
Saturday, 7 February 2009
Friday, 6 February 2009
Miri Escapades
I woke up at 5:59 AM today thanks to... AKMAL! Sending me an SMS at 5:59 AM, lol. Okay, thankfully it was that time and my alarm goes off at 6 AM, hahaha. Something came up and it required us to head to Miri for a bit. Normally when we go to Miri... we plan the day before and leave our house by 5:30 AM. I was planning to head to ISB today, but since my parents were like... go to Miri, I went to school to tell Debbie but she was with a student in a counselling session so I decided not to intrude. I just wrote a sticky note, shoved it onto her screen and hobbled off. After that we left the house to Miri at 8:30 AM once we were ready (which is LAATTTE for us).
Once everything was cleared up, Miri = food + shopping. There was stuff I needed to get here before heading back to Aus. Namely... contact lens (I have 4 months worth), face cream and calender cards for MCAC's O-week. I was planning to get 200 of them to give to the first 200 new members. They are quite pretty - but sadly, there wasn't much choices for nice anime related ones (at the price I wanted them to be at). So I mostly bought cute ones cause it was better then just having Naruto everywhere (bleh~). The better ones were too expensive (for our budget). With this, hopefully our O-week will start shaping up once we get a few other details done (namely, volunteers, sponsors, advertising flyers and posters). A big shoutout to my committee for working over the holidays to get everything together *huggles her Yi Xin, James, Sam and Drue*.
Cute designs! Just a sample, hehe.
I was walking around some shoe stores also looking for boots. For my... dress... for O-week. But... but... they don't sell boots!! My mum was like... you're not gonna find em'. People don't wear boots around here normally, it's not in style. It's too hot here. Everyone wears slippers, lol. I'll try looking in Brunei otherwise it's panic time. I don't have time to buy boots in Aus! I need it for O-week! O-week is... the DAY AFTER I GET TO AUS. T.T Gahhhh!! And the day I get back I can't go boot shopping. I'll probably be sick, and ignoring that I want a committee meeting + volunteers briefing for the C&S Carnival. *hits head* Boo boo... and Ebay has such nice boots too...
What else. Hmm.. Miri.. ate... kolo mee. Cause we like the kolo mee there. The ones cooked by Fuchou people. They're great. And cheap. And yeah... we just bought the usual. Food for dinner (at the Chinese place we like going to), umm... pastries from the home-made confectionary place that everyone who knows the area is familiar with... and yeah, I think that's it. We went to that E-Mart place for once cause the papers have been saying what a success it is. First it was a warehouse place with like.. food stalls, but that didn't work. Now they converted it to like place with small stalls full of cheap crap, and it's been like the next big thing because of that (smart owner I guess).
I now eat more. I'm gaining weight back. My legs are still so fat! Wahhhhh!!! Noooo! I don't want to be fat!!! I've had enough. T.T *hits head* But I think I need to do sports, lol. No point in losing weight by dieting, I don't want excess body fat... need sports... I need to find sports to do in Aus. Something I can enjoy... and won't lead to many leg injuries. T.T Rest of night... ate dinner alone + MSN. Oh joy to the world. Whatever, lol. Only 2 weeks left anyway. I need to seriously concentrate on MCAC now. Will continue being emo and fret later, haha. I want my 200 new members within 3 days! *nods*
Once everything was cleared up, Miri = food + shopping. There was stuff I needed to get here before heading back to Aus. Namely... contact lens (I have 4 months worth), face cream and calender cards for MCAC's O-week. I was planning to get 200 of them to give to the first 200 new members. They are quite pretty - but sadly, there wasn't much choices for nice anime related ones (at the price I wanted them to be at). So I mostly bought cute ones cause it was better then just having Naruto everywhere (bleh~). The better ones were too expensive (for our budget). With this, hopefully our O-week will start shaping up once we get a few other details done (namely, volunteers, sponsors, advertising flyers and posters). A big shoutout to my committee for working over the holidays to get everything together *huggles her Yi Xin, James, Sam and Drue*.
Cute designs! Just a sample, hehe.
I was walking around some shoe stores also looking for boots. For my... dress... for O-week. But... but... they don't sell boots!! My mum was like... you're not gonna find em'. People don't wear boots around here normally, it's not in style. It's too hot here. Everyone wears slippers, lol. I'll try looking in Brunei otherwise it's panic time. I don't have time to buy boots in Aus! I need it for O-week! O-week is... the DAY AFTER I GET TO AUS. T.T Gahhhh!! And the day I get back I can't go boot shopping. I'll probably be sick, and ignoring that I want a committee meeting + volunteers briefing for the C&S Carnival. *hits head* Boo boo... and Ebay has such nice boots too...
What else. Hmm.. Miri.. ate... kolo mee. Cause we like the kolo mee there. The ones cooked by Fuchou people. They're great. And cheap. And yeah... we just bought the usual. Food for dinner (at the Chinese place we like going to), umm... pastries from the home-made confectionary place that everyone who knows the area is familiar with... and yeah, I think that's it. We went to that E-Mart place for once cause the papers have been saying what a success it is. First it was a warehouse place with like.. food stalls, but that didn't work. Now they converted it to like place with small stalls full of cheap crap, and it's been like the next big thing because of that (smart owner I guess).
I now eat more. I'm gaining weight back. My legs are still so fat! Wahhhhh!!! Noooo! I don't want to be fat!!! I've had enough. T.T *hits head* But I think I need to do sports, lol. No point in losing weight by dieting, I don't want excess body fat... need sports... I need to find sports to do in Aus. Something I can enjoy... and won't lead to many leg injuries. T.T Rest of night... ate dinner alone + MSN. Oh joy to the world. Whatever, lol. Only 2 weeks left anyway. I need to seriously concentrate on MCAC now. Will continue being emo and fret later, haha. I want my 200 new members within 3 days! *nods*
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Gong Xi Gong Xi~
Heh, today was the Chinese New Year celebration at ISB. Everyone got to wear red if we wanted to and it made things confusing for me only because I had trouble telling the difference between a year 11 and year 12 now... (normally when I look for IB I just look for students out of their uniform). I did not do much today. Uhh... made two documents, re-drew a map, passed messages around for Ms. Duce, I sat in Mr. Barrett's year 6 class for a bit and watched as they did presentations (or preformances) I should say on their geography project - about a certain African country (I saw the ones they did for Somalia, Guinea-Bissau and Namibia). Cut stuff up for Ms. Natalia, fixed up some stuff in Mrs. Green's room and etc. The usual.
Afizah and Cheelin visited ISB at lunch time, I dunno Cheelin (even if everyone else does) but yeah... said hi to Afizah (who was with Min during that time in the staff room). Ate lunch with Liz although didn't see her as much today, talked to Ming a bit during the CNY assembly and yeah... that was pretty much it for any verbal communication of the day (excluding talking to teachers and students which always happen anyway). Hmm... CNY assembly, basically handing out certificates, lion dance (funny part was that random people come come up to give it a go - go Mr. Canterford and Mr. Peacocke, hahaha), perfromance from the Chinese Performance club and year 5 kiddies singing Gong Xi Gong Xi (okay - I wouldn't call that 'singing' but it was cute anyway).
Spent the afternoon... on MSN and Ebay, lol. Not really anything. In terms of your daily dosage of emo, uhh... I was fine today. Maybe the morning was a bit rough, but I tend to think a lot in the morning so I never wake up on a good note anyway. I am getting a bit nervous to be honest. I want to return to Aus. I'm dying to see Yi Xin and Tsan again. But... it'll mean I have to face some things I'm on the verge of wanting to hide from. Rachel mentioned in one of her blog entries "If you could erase any memory of your choice, would you?". Got me wondering... if I don't have a memory of something - it'll be like it never happened to me. Do I want that I wonder... bleh. Check out my 25 notes on Facebook if you haven't already, haha. Apparently some people said it was insightful? LOL. Some of the guys have said the most beautiful things to me today too. Especially Khanat. Thanks man...
Afizah and Cheelin visited ISB at lunch time, I dunno Cheelin (even if everyone else does) but yeah... said hi to Afizah (who was with Min during that time in the staff room). Ate lunch with Liz although didn't see her as much today, talked to Ming a bit during the CNY assembly and yeah... that was pretty much it for any verbal communication of the day (excluding talking to teachers and students which always happen anyway). Hmm... CNY assembly, basically handing out certificates, lion dance (funny part was that random people come come up to give it a go - go Mr. Canterford and Mr. Peacocke, hahaha), perfromance from the Chinese Performance club and year 5 kiddies singing Gong Xi Gong Xi (okay - I wouldn't call that 'singing' but it was cute anyway).
Spent the afternoon... on MSN and Ebay, lol. Not really anything. In terms of your daily dosage of emo, uhh... I was fine today. Maybe the morning was a bit rough, but I tend to think a lot in the morning so I never wake up on a good note anyway. I am getting a bit nervous to be honest. I want to return to Aus. I'm dying to see Yi Xin and Tsan again. But... it'll mean I have to face some things I'm on the verge of wanting to hide from. Rachel mentioned in one of her blog entries "If you could erase any memory of your choice, would you?". Got me wondering... if I don't have a memory of something - it'll be like it never happened to me. Do I want that I wonder... bleh. Check out my 25 notes on Facebook if you haven't already, haha. Apparently some people said it was insightful? LOL. Some of the guys have said the most beautiful things to me today too. Especially Khanat. Thanks man...
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
Changes for the better? Or for the worse?
My 100th blog post. Since I started this in August 2007. Today was a bit of an odd day for me. I'm starting to get tired of this... I'm not too sure how to call it. Restriction? Living a lie? Maybe I'm just tired of being nice and polite to people, pretending to be happy, trying to reassure everyone I am perfectly fine. I'm avoiding things right now, avoiding of thinking of things, sort of avoiding reality I guess you could say. I'm even afraid of going back to Aus because I know there are gonna be so many changes and... I don't want to see them. Makes me feel regret, why didn't I enjoy 2008 more? It was so much fun and I was so happy. Life was good. Life IS good. So what the hell is wrong with meh? 2009 won't be the same. I don't know whether it will be better or worse but... it'll never be the same. The thought of this just scares me. I'm only at ISB to distract my mind completely. But at night I tend to think a lot and while I have anticipation to see everyone back in Aus again this anticipation comes with fear. But this is just the current mood. Really, I just need to smile and laugh that I'll get to see Xin, Jia Chee, Sha, Stanny, Tsan, Rachel, Akmal, Jimmy, Tom, Sam, Khanat, Kriz, Drue and our other clumsy group of 60 weirdos, lol. And... a certain someone else who I refuse to mention by name anymore T.T (but I'm sure you all can guess ^^;;). Excuse me while I go cry cause I can't see Raine though. Crap. Uni without Raine... to be honest I haven't had a semester in uni without Raine there. I wonder if I'll feel like something is missing (and shiiiit I just realised I like to run to her sometimes when I'm all sad... ahhh.. I can't run to her house anymore @.@ ZOMG!!). It's okay... Tsan said she'll be preparing me her arms (lol for hugs) and chocolate upon return! Yay~ gonna bugger over to Tsan's house more often this year. Hopefully. And visit Rachel at the Halls (she still owes me a curry dinner!!). And visit Stanny for the continuation of our Stargate adventure. And visit Akmal too ~ yep yep. I will I will. @.@
Yeah... it's okay. If things are different and start out as a 2009 that I didn't plan for I need to make it good. I said I wouldn't do things to regret anymore. >.< *nods nods*
First thing for me to panic about is MCAC, though. Friggin hell I sometimes forget I'm the damn leader of that group. Gotta make sure O-week is fine, the scavenger hunt, first BBQ, marathon, screenings, the 3 day camp, look up on how to run the next elections, and oversea what everyone else is doing (audit, library, 3 competitions) T.T *scratches her head* During orientation I hope we can get 200 members this year! Last year we managed to get around 180 (end of the year we had around 230+ members). Sooo... would be nice if it could be 200 by O-week and like 250+ by the end of the year. Or more. I mean we'll have more returning members this year + new batch of first years, it'll be awesome. Although I'm like... oh gawd... more people. More couples. More drama. More problems. T.T Good luck to the next committee... *slowly shuffles away once her term in office is complete*.
I notice that I'm really quiet and down now these days I don't even see myself suitable to be the so called "President of MCAC" now in whatever situation that requires me to talk to everyone like before. Am not acting myself. But dunno how to go back to acting like meself. What is myself anyway I wonder. XD I haven't even raised my voice for months. I wonder if I can still do that so called... talking out loud prez style thingy T.T. But I'll need to shape up, I'm doing 3rd year Education this year also. Gahh... I'll probably actually have to teach classes now during placement. Was very happy when James was like... leave everything to us even if I'm too depressed to take care of the club. Thanks Jimmy XD XD *huggles her committee* The one thing I'll miss being Prez of MCAC is my committee. I'll miss my weird ass shopping trips with Drue, Sam, James and Xin buying things using money that isn't ours (most of the time), our retarded meetings where we gossip and bitch and generally waste time, our msn cons and spamming of the committee forums at the board. Hehehe. If there is one thing I'm proud of is how we work like a team now. That we're happy. Not like how we started out *shudders*. Okay that's enough contemplation for now, haha.
The day! I woke up... I was... meh. Like that lo. Heh. Got to school... uhh... looked at the list of things Debbie needed to get down. Attempted to twiddle the list down but she kept adding more stuff. LOL. Uhh... just did the usual. Dismantled some project, delivered stuff, chased around students who Debbie needed to see, random documents and paperwork, was bored one time so I went to help Mai... uhh... yeah. Liz was with me for a good part of the day (since she didn't have much to do - despite how busy BGIC should be, especially right now). Me and Liz had lunch together at the usual place! At OUR bench! OUR BENCH! I didn't know which bench was 'ours' but Liz was like.. the one next to that tree right behind the goal post. XD We were surprised how the kids these days don't sit at the benches anymore for lunch. They are all in the hall. I don't get it, what's the attraction point of the halls? It's so noisy, cramped... and lacking in actual seating...
And ISB I just noticed is a lot smaller now. Not as many students... no wonder. Classes are so small... we used to have over 25 in a class. Now it's like... going under 20. O.O No wonder the fees are going up so much... Tomorrow is Mufti Day... red day. Uhh.. Mufti day is where students can wear something next to their uniform by paying a small fee (which is normally a fundraiser for something). Tomorrow is the big CNY assembly. Hmm... red... red. What to wear I wonder. *thinks*
Let's see... I left around 2:15 right when the BGIC uhh.. trial runs were about to start (in the library - when I walked out the kids from JIS were shuffling in). Got home.. and just glued myself to msn for over an hour. My aunt and uncle came over at around 5 PM - haven't seen them for a while since they were away for most of CNY - and I've kept a low profile while in Brunei since that's just how my family runs generally (I don't actually mind being social though - long as I'm comfortable but ya know...). Got an ang pau at least, lol.
Then just... MSN, MSN and even more MSN. Until sleeptime. LOL.
Yeah... it's okay. If things are different and start out as a 2009 that I didn't plan for I need to make it good. I said I wouldn't do things to regret anymore. >.< *nods nods*
First thing for me to panic about is MCAC, though. Friggin hell I sometimes forget I'm the damn leader of that group. Gotta make sure O-week is fine, the scavenger hunt, first BBQ, marathon, screenings, the 3 day camp, look up on how to run the next elections, and oversea what everyone else is doing (audit, library, 3 competitions) T.T *scratches her head* During orientation I hope we can get 200 members this year! Last year we managed to get around 180 (end of the year we had around 230+ members). Sooo... would be nice if it could be 200 by O-week and like 250+ by the end of the year. Or more. I mean we'll have more returning members this year + new batch of first years, it'll be awesome. Although I'm like... oh gawd... more people. More couples. More drama. More problems. T.T Good luck to the next committee... *slowly shuffles away once her term in office is complete*.
I notice that I'm really quiet and down now these days I don't even see myself suitable to be the so called "President of MCAC" now in whatever situation that requires me to talk to everyone like before. Am not acting myself. But dunno how to go back to acting like meself. What is myself anyway I wonder. XD I haven't even raised my voice for months. I wonder if I can still do that so called... talking out loud prez style thingy T.T. But I'll need to shape up, I'm doing 3rd year Education this year also. Gahh... I'll probably actually have to teach classes now during placement. Was very happy when James was like... leave everything to us even if I'm too depressed to take care of the club. Thanks Jimmy XD XD *huggles her committee* The one thing I'll miss being Prez of MCAC is my committee. I'll miss my weird ass shopping trips with Drue, Sam, James and Xin buying things using money that isn't ours (most of the time), our retarded meetings where we gossip and bitch and generally waste time, our msn cons and spamming of the committee forums at the board. Hehehe. If there is one thing I'm proud of is how we work like a team now. That we're happy. Not like how we started out *shudders*. Okay that's enough contemplation for now, haha.
The day! I woke up... I was... meh. Like that lo. Heh. Got to school... uhh... looked at the list of things Debbie needed to get down. Attempted to twiddle the list down but she kept adding more stuff. LOL. Uhh... just did the usual. Dismantled some project, delivered stuff, chased around students who Debbie needed to see, random documents and paperwork, was bored one time so I went to help Mai... uhh... yeah. Liz was with me for a good part of the day (since she didn't have much to do - despite how busy BGIC should be, especially right now). Me and Liz had lunch together at the usual place! At OUR bench! OUR BENCH! I didn't know which bench was 'ours' but Liz was like.. the one next to that tree right behind the goal post. XD We were surprised how the kids these days don't sit at the benches anymore for lunch. They are all in the hall. I don't get it, what's the attraction point of the halls? It's so noisy, cramped... and lacking in actual seating...
And ISB I just noticed is a lot smaller now. Not as many students... no wonder. Classes are so small... we used to have over 25 in a class. Now it's like... going under 20. O.O No wonder the fees are going up so much... Tomorrow is Mufti Day... red day. Uhh.. Mufti day is where students can wear something next to their uniform by paying a small fee (which is normally a fundraiser for something). Tomorrow is the big CNY assembly. Hmm... red... red. What to wear I wonder. *thinks*
Let's see... I left around 2:15 right when the BGIC uhh.. trial runs were about to start (in the library - when I walked out the kids from JIS were shuffling in). Got home.. and just glued myself to msn for over an hour. My aunt and uncle came over at around 5 PM - haven't seen them for a while since they were away for most of CNY - and I've kept a low profile while in Brunei since that's just how my family runs generally (I don't actually mind being social though - long as I'm comfortable but ya know...). Got an ang pau at least, lol.
Then just... MSN, MSN and even more MSN. Until sleeptime. LOL.
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
Why a school is just a school...
The days continue moving on as always. You know, I wonder if the weather in Brunei is like some metaphor to me. Seriously, it has not been sunny, pleasant and warm since the beginning of the month... the time when I could no longer feel much warmth in anything. It's gloomy and cloudy everyday. I'm starting to get really lazy to wake up but... I still have a week and a half at ISB (then a week break just to pack, get what else I need, chill out, get enough sleep to last me for the next year, and make sure we have another 'hyperness gang' outing (as Liz dubs our little high school friendship circle...) before heading off.
I got to school... hmm... just made two documents in the first period for Debbie while she was away. Then I left a note and spent the remaining time in Mr. Barett's year 6 class. The assistant teacher was away, so I got to help the children with Numeracy (which is Maths... maybe they don't use the word 'Maths' anymore to primary school children so it doesn't sound so scary). Keep in mind that the Maths classes are split by ability in ISB, with three classes (we used to dub it the 'Top' group, 'Intermediate' and the 'Bottom' group - although labels are evil anyway especially right now when I look at myself and realise how I underperform compared to a lot of my friends, and I frankly don't care anymore. So what if I suck at Maths... I can do other things so it's all cool). Mr. Barett's teaches the allegely 'bottom' group, or what I would call just students struggling a bit more. We were doing time zones today, where you like... have a map with cities and what GMT they are in. Then you have like... 2 PM in Sydney, what time is it in New York? Easy stuff - just work out the time difference and add or subtract hours accordingly. Some students had trouble - and I even made mistakes cause I got bombarded with questions for how to do this, is this correct, I don't get it, and I never had the answers to begin with so I had to work out everything in my head at the same time.
I realise now that it must have been annoying when I was young how I would bother the teacher and get upset when she paid no attention to me. Now I realise, she knows I'm trying to get her attention but... her mind is on someone else and there is only so much she can think about at the same time. I'm sorry Miss...
After break I helped a single student in their English / Reading lesson. I think he was behind work? He had to summarise notes in a simple skateboarding book. From what I can see, the kid was a genius in Maths (he did the work really fast) but his English ability was... at a standard he'll have to really catch up with in this term. Considering they are in year 7 next year it's a bit worrisome if you ask me. The book he was reading was around year 2 level... (I think, I'm not a primary teacher so I can't measure... but I recall reading books like that when I was 5 or 6... year 6 is age 11 already...).
During lunch... was supposed to eat out with Ming (the IT technician guy I mentioned in a previous entry). Couldn't find him at first T.T lol didn't realise he was at Orchid Garden Hotel (it's Careers Day at ISB so half the school is there - they have different people with different careers in to talk about their jobs and lives... if I didn't go to Mr. Barett's class I should of checked it out... would have been interesting T.T dang XD). Then he came (oh... cool sports car *__*) and we went to Escapade and saw Debbie, Mr. Canterford and uhh... I think the other person was Mrs. Green there, lol! Debbie told me that she wasn't gonna be around and my language slipped again.. I was like... "So can I bugger off?" lol Mr. Canterford was like.. laughing and Debbie was like "What did she just say?" .... "bugger off...". Mr. C was like ... "yes... you can" ... "you can't though" *points at Ming* lol poor guy =.= ... Ehehe, so I guess I got to leave early! I didn't even do anything for Debbie today. =.= Escapade was full so we just went to a simple cafe place to eat ~ I got treated for lunch ~ I must return to favour before heaidng back to aus *nods*. After lunch he dropped me off at school before heading back to Orchid Garden XD
I like messaged mum to get me then went to find Liz in the library. We got to talk sitting at the front gates for a bit, which was sort of nice since I haven't just simply sat down and just talked with Liz for a while. And at ISB no less... hehe. I'm not the greatest fan of high school but I guess it's still a nice memory... the days of sitting at the benches, eating lunch with the so-called 'hyperness gang' (Me, Manj, Mag and Liz *__* with occasional appearances from Tanty, Jesslyn, Vitri and random 'group' jumpers like Amir lolol). So odd we all study on different continents now... (well cept me and Manju but Manj is at RMIT ~ I can't see her anyway... and everyone has their own group of friends now T.T). Tomorrow must have lunch with Liz definitely. At our 'old bench'. :D :D I'm even gonna eat ISB canteen's overpriced $3 meals (and I realise they give even LESS food now for the same $3, lol - oh well I'm dieting ~ XD).
Afternoon was... napping, basically. And msn. When it was dinner I heard everyone laughing in the kitchen so I hobbled over. And was like... *stares at the plate*... .... ... "NANDA KORE??!!" O.O rice was... purple... with weird purple blobs. I was like... IS THIS FUNGUS?? O.O Oh... dad cooked rice with sweet potato... lol. Random funny msn 'con' with Vu (that seems to happen every few days... I know he doe this with Yi Xin also).
Vu: CUCUMBERS!
Me: CARROTS!
Vu: PUMPKINS!
Me: PAPAYAS!
Vu: MANGOES!
Me: MARSHMELLOWS!
Vu: THAT AINT A FUCKING FRUIT (OR VEGIE!!!) YA' FRUIT LOOP!!!
LOL. I couldn't think of a fruit that started with M at the time!! I forgot about melons. =.=
I got to school... hmm... just made two documents in the first period for Debbie while she was away. Then I left a note and spent the remaining time in Mr. Barett's year 6 class. The assistant teacher was away, so I got to help the children with Numeracy (which is Maths... maybe they don't use the word 'Maths' anymore to primary school children so it doesn't sound so scary). Keep in mind that the Maths classes are split by ability in ISB, with three classes (we used to dub it the 'Top' group, 'Intermediate' and the 'Bottom' group - although labels are evil anyway especially right now when I look at myself and realise how I underperform compared to a lot of my friends, and I frankly don't care anymore. So what if I suck at Maths... I can do other things so it's all cool). Mr. Barett's teaches the allegely 'bottom' group, or what I would call just students struggling a bit more. We were doing time zones today, where you like... have a map with cities and what GMT they are in. Then you have like... 2 PM in Sydney, what time is it in New York? Easy stuff - just work out the time difference and add or subtract hours accordingly. Some students had trouble - and I even made mistakes cause I got bombarded with questions for how to do this, is this correct, I don't get it, and I never had the answers to begin with so I had to work out everything in my head at the same time.
I realise now that it must have been annoying when I was young how I would bother the teacher and get upset when she paid no attention to me. Now I realise, she knows I'm trying to get her attention but... her mind is on someone else and there is only so much she can think about at the same time. I'm sorry Miss...
After break I helped a single student in their English / Reading lesson. I think he was behind work? He had to summarise notes in a simple skateboarding book. From what I can see, the kid was a genius in Maths (he did the work really fast) but his English ability was... at a standard he'll have to really catch up with in this term. Considering they are in year 7 next year it's a bit worrisome if you ask me. The book he was reading was around year 2 level... (I think, I'm not a primary teacher so I can't measure... but I recall reading books like that when I was 5 or 6... year 6 is age 11 already...).
During lunch... was supposed to eat out with Ming (the IT technician guy I mentioned in a previous entry). Couldn't find him at first T.T lol didn't realise he was at Orchid Garden Hotel (it's Careers Day at ISB so half the school is there - they have different people with different careers in to talk about their jobs and lives... if I didn't go to Mr. Barett's class I should of checked it out... would have been interesting T.T dang XD). Then he came (oh... cool sports car *__*) and we went to Escapade and saw Debbie, Mr. Canterford and uhh... I think the other person was Mrs. Green there, lol! Debbie told me that she wasn't gonna be around and my language slipped again.. I was like... "So can I bugger off?" lol Mr. Canterford was like.. laughing and Debbie was like "What did she just say?" .... "bugger off...". Mr. C was like ... "yes... you can" ... "you can't though" *points at Ming* lol poor guy =.= ... Ehehe, so I guess I got to leave early! I didn't even do anything for Debbie today. =.= Escapade was full so we just went to a simple cafe place to eat ~ I got treated for lunch ~ I must return to favour before heaidng back to aus *nods*. After lunch he dropped me off at school before heading back to Orchid Garden XD
I like messaged mum to get me then went to find Liz in the library. We got to talk sitting at the front gates for a bit, which was sort of nice since I haven't just simply sat down and just talked with Liz for a while. And at ISB no less... hehe. I'm not the greatest fan of high school but I guess it's still a nice memory... the days of sitting at the benches, eating lunch with the so-called 'hyperness gang' (Me, Manj, Mag and Liz *__* with occasional appearances from Tanty, Jesslyn, Vitri and random 'group' jumpers like Amir lolol). So odd we all study on different continents now... (well cept me and Manju but Manj is at RMIT ~ I can't see her anyway... and everyone has their own group of friends now T.T). Tomorrow must have lunch with Liz definitely. At our 'old bench'. :D :D I'm even gonna eat ISB canteen's overpriced $3 meals (and I realise they give even LESS food now for the same $3, lol - oh well I'm dieting ~ XD).
Afternoon was... napping, basically. And msn. When it was dinner I heard everyone laughing in the kitchen so I hobbled over. And was like... *stares at the plate*... .... ... "NANDA KORE??!!" O.O rice was... purple... with weird purple blobs. I was like... IS THIS FUNGUS?? O.O Oh... dad cooked rice with sweet potato... lol. Random funny msn 'con' with Vu (that seems to happen every few days... I know he doe this with Yi Xin also).
Vu: CUCUMBERS!
Me: CARROTS!
Vu: PUMPKINS!
Me: PAPAYAS!
Vu: MANGOES!
Me: MARSHMELLOWS!
Vu: THAT AINT A FUCKING FRUIT (OR VEGIE!!!) YA' FRUIT LOOP!!!
LOL. I couldn't think of a fruit that started with M at the time!! I forgot about melons. =.=
Monday, 2 February 2009
A day just like any day...
Let's see, I woke up a bit oddly today. A bit anxious. Like, if you shook my hand it would have been shaking uncontrollably. Like some person with first symptoms of Parkinson's disease. I'm not too sure why. I was okay today but because my mind is avoiding things to stay 'okay' the body is not going along with it. T.T Not much I can do there, hopefully I'll be completely fine once I head back to Melb. Or something. I don't know. Maybe it'll get worse, lol. Ah well, at least I get to see everyone back in Melb. I'll worry about how I act when I get back when I actually get back.
Let's see, I went to school as usual. Said hi to Liz who was at the front office then popped into Debbie's room. Not much work to be done today but I still worked straight until after school, lol. What did I do... uhh... finished a powerpoint for an assembly, got quotes from Year 12 CAS diaries for the school website, made more little banners and stapled another board up in the Geo room. Since I invaded a year 7 class to do that I got to take part in their activities (which was nice)... well, mostly watch. Lunch was dull and Liz was busy with BGIC. I saw her here and there, lol. It seems Ms. Wong said to her also that... I'm like some... what was the word she used, can't remember, but commenting something along the lines of "Each time I see Celine she's getting thinner...". But she's imagining things. I'm still not losing weight if you ask me.
Uhh... after lunch, I just finished the quotations. There was a bunch of cake in her room, I wonder where it all comes from. T.T Debbie smacked me when I said I was on a diet (so no cake for me), lol. Something like "You don't have anything to lose!!!". Mai was really busy so she asked me to phone parents to inform/remind them about Parent's Evening tomorrow night for year 11's. I was like.... O.O... phone... parents. I hate phoning people I don't know!!! *sobs* I managed to get through around 15 calls before it was the end of school and I had to sort of head off. I did pretty well. Only one parent hanged up on me *nods*. LOL. Along the way out Mr. Grieves passed by and it went like...
Me: "Hi Mr. Grieves~!"
Damon: "Mr. Grieves...?"
Me: OH SHIT. Did I get the wrong name. *thinks* No..... I didn't T.T.
Damon: *he stares at his name tag* "Just call me Damon."
Me: "... oh, okay. XD
So I guess I won't say Mr. Grieves from now on (I'll ALWAYS call Ms. Hancox and Ms. Wong like that though, because they were my teachers since young so I'm not changing that).
Hmm. Afternoon was... a bit of MCAC organising, reading my novel and MSN. Haha. The usual day of Celine~ yay for me... T.T *coughs* Yeah, right. Ah well, I was in a fairly good mood today I suppose so that's all that matters. It was a bit artificial though... if you get what I mean. Like I'm trying to be happy, it's okay to pretend since it reassures me for the time being but yes... I need to tackle the souce of everything sooner or later. I don't wanna be like this forever, it's too tiring. =.=
Reply to comments...
@Kriz: Thanks dear. I'll try to keep that in mind. ^^
@Mag: *hugs Mag* dun worry ~ hehehe you have a lot going on too. It shouldn't always be just me. I'm sorry I haven't talked to you much either also. Take care of yourself first. :D :D
Let's see, I went to school as usual. Said hi to Liz who was at the front office then popped into Debbie's room. Not much work to be done today but I still worked straight until after school, lol. What did I do... uhh... finished a powerpoint for an assembly, got quotes from Year 12 CAS diaries for the school website, made more little banners and stapled another board up in the Geo room. Since I invaded a year 7 class to do that I got to take part in their activities (which was nice)... well, mostly watch. Lunch was dull and Liz was busy with BGIC. I saw her here and there, lol. It seems Ms. Wong said to her also that... I'm like some... what was the word she used, can't remember, but commenting something along the lines of "Each time I see Celine she's getting thinner...". But she's imagining things. I'm still not losing weight if you ask me.
Uhh... after lunch, I just finished the quotations. There was a bunch of cake in her room, I wonder where it all comes from. T.T Debbie smacked me when I said I was on a diet (so no cake for me), lol. Something like "You don't have anything to lose!!!". Mai was really busy so she asked me to phone parents to inform/remind them about Parent's Evening tomorrow night for year 11's. I was like.... O.O... phone... parents. I hate phoning people I don't know!!! *sobs* I managed to get through around 15 calls before it was the end of school and I had to sort of head off. I did pretty well. Only one parent hanged up on me *nods*. LOL. Along the way out Mr. Grieves passed by and it went like...
Me: "Hi Mr. Grieves~!"
Damon: "Mr. Grieves...?"
Me: OH SHIT. Did I get the wrong name. *thinks* No..... I didn't T.T.
Damon: *he stares at his name tag* "Just call me Damon."
Me: "... oh, okay. XD
So I guess I won't say Mr. Grieves from now on (I'll ALWAYS call Ms. Hancox and Ms. Wong like that though, because they were my teachers since young so I'm not changing that).
Hmm. Afternoon was... a bit of MCAC organising, reading my novel and MSN. Haha. The usual day of Celine~ yay for me... T.T *coughs* Yeah, right. Ah well, I was in a fairly good mood today I suppose so that's all that matters. It was a bit artificial though... if you get what I mean. Like I'm trying to be happy, it's okay to pretend since it reassures me for the time being but yes... I need to tackle the souce of everything sooner or later. I don't wanna be like this forever, it's too tiring. =.=
Reply to comments...
@Kriz: Thanks dear. I'll try to keep that in mind. ^^
@Mag: *hugs Mag* dun worry ~ hehehe you have a lot going on too. It shouldn't always be just me. I'm sorry I haven't talked to you much either also. Take care of yourself first. :D :D
Sunday, 1 February 2009
Lost...
Feeling sick. Feeling tricked. Feeling used. Feeling betrayed. Used and thrown away once convenient. Life works in these funny little ways. Just when I started to trust someone's word, it's only then I realise that the words were a lie. Heh. Nothing ever really changes, does it? I like how I always lose to everyone else. Am I always going to be last on everyone's priority list? Is this how my life is going to play out...? I like how I feel that someone is important, but that feeling... is never going to be returned to me. It's never going to happen. Whatever anyone says... it's all a lie. I'm only wanted when there is no one else around. Once everyone else is around... I'm an eyesore, like a cockroach that should just back off and get away. This isn't the first time, it's not gonna be the last either, is it? I don't want to be someone's substitute anymore... I don't want to be the thing someone wants only when there isn't anything else around better. I don't want to be someone so easily 'replaced'.
Why did I ever start to believe in those lies? If it was gonna be like this...
Spent the entire day staring at a wall. Crying on and off. I don't even feel alive anymore right now. I think I've slept for like 15 hours now. I'm trying to sleep more. I don't want to wake up...
Why did I ever start to believe in those lies? If it was gonna be like this...
Spent the entire day staring at a wall. Crying on and off. I don't even feel alive anymore right now. I think I've slept for like 15 hours now. I'm trying to sleep more. I don't want to wake up...
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